going tHis way

Found an abandoned post from last year

2011-08-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

It has occurred to me that I no longer have a baby. Not even close. One of my sweet friends just had her third baby, a girl after two boys. When I held that tiny girl I fought back the ugly cry. There is something magical in a newborn. I had the moment of realization that we are securely past this stage. These children are growing up. Fast. My once intentional and occasionally successful attempts to "train" them in the way they should go and write His words in their hearts...I am counting down now -what's left to teach because I am seeing the light of the "setting them free" train coming around the corner.

I still want flash cards- I want charts and smiley faces and "good job" stickers. Let me keep training!! I am NOT finished. Now that I have some lessons so desperately needed to be taught, I have a very distracted audience that doesn't respond to my cute techniques. I knew this would be the tricky part.

Warming up to fall...Outdoors in October

2010-10-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

Before the snake.

Best. Team. Ever. "Fever"

Magnolia Leaf Pom-Poms. Too cute.

So fall is kinda nice. I truly have had some good times outdoors this October.

We started out one Sunday afternoon on a nature hike. Sadie packed snacks and water bottles, digging tools, a butterfly net and I grabbed the camera. We were set to go-- less than a mile to our local nature conservatory on Mars Hill Road. We had crossed the creek (as seen in the first picture) which was a bit nerve racking for Sadie--already she was rethinking her adventure. The "bridge" over the creek was 5 ft. high and 18" wide to walk on. Although I image if we had fallen- we would have landed on our feet, Sadie wasn't sure. Maybe she was sensing that in just about 20 more feet she would almost be bitten by a snake. That's right, next sight up on our hike was a pretty big, pretty green snake 2 inches from my baby's foot! With the power of the Spirit, (cause I fainted on the inside) I reached out and pulled Sadie back and Riley snapped a shot of it. The snake reared up and then rolled back into a hole in the trunk of a tree. The picture doesn't show the ferociousness of the reptile. It had large red eyes and smoke and... For real, Sadie and I sadly relented back for fear of another near death experience. Riley wasn't happy about that. We decided to buy a gourd at the St. Florian Pumpkin Patch and paint it instead. Good times in nature.

The next Sunday the kids have over some friends. I couldn't help but feel good inside that all the kids spent the entire day outside. They played hide and seek, football, some made up game and you know I had some craft projects going...especially after Lynnsey Beth complimented my "creative" side, nothing swells my ego more than a 6 year old telling me I am special--you think i am kidding? I crafted it up the rest of the afternoon.

We made pine cone ceiling fan pulls. (don't judge me, they will be the hit at all the holiday parties, just wait) and natural bows for all your Christmas gift wrapping needs using, again, pine cones and tree twigs. Ok enough on that, don't want to give away all my secrets...The girls also cheered (be still my soul) using pom poms made of magnolia leaves. I think that might have been the cutest thing I have seen all year. I spared you the many pictures I took of that cuteness. Well, maybe just one more...

To continue with the fall nostalgia...every Monday and Saturday has been super quality time with my soccer team "Fever". We are a young, green team that has brought me all sorts of emotions in a way I didn't expect. Although not the best on experience or talent...(we have lost every game so far) we have made a huge improvement in not only our game but our attitude and interest in God. It's truly been so cool to be a part of---so hear this- what God did...

He reminded me this week to "just ask". So many times I forget to pray for the details of things that are important and I think God likes when we get specific so we can see how He's paying attention to the details.
Now I have yet to pray for us to score a goal this season, I mean seriously pray you know... It truly hasn't been about scores and goals with these girls. But this day, it felt like it was time. I asked God this morning to let them score a goal. They had before but it had been a while.During the game--- I knew God was going to answer so I asked specifically for a certain girl to score. She is the one I am holding especially close in my heart and if God chose her to be my scorer--I would so feel His presence- and confirm me that I am on the same page with God about her. Not 5 minutes passed and she drove down the middle, never let up and kicked it in the net. My God is so cool.

Of course--I started crying and felt like we had won the world cup. We didn't win the game. But we won the game. I can't tell you how pumped we all were when it was over- I am pretty sure that Ben Campbell (our ref) was wondering if we had watched the game..ha! I am blessed to have Gates be my co-coach too. He and I have had some well needed time together and I am so proud of his leadership skills.

I can't forget the 2nd grade field trip to the various farms. From cow, to horse to deer and goat--the kids got to experience farm life. Smells and all. My favorite part...pickin' cotton. You can't grow up in Alabama and not love a good romp in the white fields on fluff.

Fall is ok i guess... with weather like we have been having it's truly hard to deny the peace you feel just by breathing in. I know winter is around the corner. But everyday i have the warm sun shine on my face is one less day the cold wind will not be freezing me. So again...one day at a time. Praise God for another day. Behold October.

Coming soon..."Riley gets braces".

Happy Eighth Birthday Sadie!

2010-09-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

My funny little girl, happy birthday. I learn how to express myself with confidence watching you. Your character keeps promising me you will be determined, strong and tender-hearted all in one--I can't wait to see what all that means for you. I thank God for giving me the experience that comes with you. Eight years ago, you changed me and challenged me to be better. God is awesome and I will forever thank Him for my girl.

The Birthday Gang

Diggin' it...

All the pies.

Pie Contest: Everyone's a winner!

Sadie's "Most Entertaining" Pie

Trina's pie.

Sadie has been one surprise after another. Her unique mindset is never at a loss for something to do so when she announced she wanted her birthday to be a "dirt" party...I heard her out. Trying to incorporate some good clean girlie fun into a party of mud pie's and straight up wet red dirt wasn't easy but I think I did pretty good...

After the party clean-up.
I couldn't help it...I planned for her boots
and shirt to match the buckets.

Sadie and her friends made their very own unique to them mud pies with whatever they could find from the yard, including brick pieces, dog food and even Frisbees .They planted seeds in mason jars and dug in the dirt mainly just to spread it all over them. A couple of the boys got in to the mud in a way like no one else. They were beautifully brown, sticky and happy.

Fun came again to some of us more than others...with clean up in a large tub, squeeze soap and a garden hose. Next up... "Dirt" cake topped off with a bloom, gummy worms crawling and all. Sadie had the birthday she wanted.

I have to admit--I had a lot of fun myself and even though I wouldn't have thought to throw a "dirt" party for my little girl---to see her playing in her element and just being herself made me so glad I didn't talk her in to something more "girlie" or cute. She made me happy.

Last night-- after the third time I sprinkled **Pixie dust** on the bedside table for the tooth fairy "Penelope", so she could fly back and answer Sadie's note she left her... I felt pretty sure there was a "girlie" girl in there somewhere. :)

2, 6 and 8 grades...not quite ready for starting school days

2010-08-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

Gates in 8th, Sadie in 2nd and Riley, 6th. With slick new cuts I hardly recognize the boys.

Students were showing Mrs. Smith they could already count to 100 with their eyes closed (what she claimed they would learn in 2nd grade)

Mrs Smith's 2nd Grade

No bow, no headband, not even a ponytail holder. *sigh

Shucking corn for the big "Thanks for DC" dinner.

i "end-capped" the idea from Southern Living and HAD to make this--in true form--i break the "don't try a new recipe out on company" rule.

The ice cream in which we adding everything dairy from the fridge. Turns out that works. Thanks Don Tays for the tips.

"Jump the Hosepipe" game

Starting school this year seemed to happen so fast and clumsy-like, it was almost like we were caught off guard. No one really needed to gear up on supplies, Sadie sent in a fee this year so we just had to show up. I think in some ways that may have backfired on my family's ability to transition.

We are all having a slow go this year but it did help that day one consisted of not only a new day of school but a house full of family and food that night. A lot of cooking and fun with Tony, Lisa and their family and mom and dad. We had so much fun hearing about every one's first day, grilling and swimming, playing games and eating and eating some more....

Now after one full week is over-- a week surely feeling like a full month. What in the world?? It seems prayerfully we are adjusting a bit better. I have now formed a practice I am not sure to keep up... the kids have an ongoing joke I play into everyday with a note in their lunch-box. To explain the joke...? It involves a small stuffed red happy meal toy from '06 Riley has named "Radish". Just know it's funny to only us.

Here's our little Radish.

Everyday Radish gets in to all sorts of trouble and it's well documented in our lunch notes. Gates' morning consists of coming downstairs--showered and dressed, chores accomplished- unzipping the lunchbox, taking the note out and tearing it into shreds and throwing it in the garbage. He reads it though, and even some day's will ask if it's written yet...I decided if he's reading anything I am writing--i will keep writing. One day the note said only this .."please don't tear this note in to tiny shreds". Still it's worth it.

Riley takes his out every morning and reads it and puts it BaCk in the lunch box to read again later. Bless him. He even said that it makes him feel like I am thinking about him when I send a note. I love my boys-- even though they are like night and day- they both love in such unique ways---ways that help me understand love better. I am always learning watching those two.

I still can't believe how old my children are--sometimes I still feel like that girl who always dreamed of what it would be like to have a baby. Now, I have a teenager, a preteen and Sadie. In some ways I feel like a second grader when I listen to her day and her emotions from it. I am telling her the exact same things my mom and dad would say to me to ease her anxieties. It's one thing to watch the boys- some things I get, some things I don't. But with this girl--she has a lot of my personality and moods and temperament. We even play Barbie's the same. I just pray she likes me for a while longer.

So there it is, I am blessed. Another school year begun, another summer behind us. Off to the next task.

stand in awe

2010-08-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

Museum of Natural History, Gems and Minerals:: The Dynamic Earth

I just spent the entire episode of "Design Star" looking at minerals and gems from the Museum of Natural History. This takes skill. Now...from the above link you will be able to choose your path... either gems or minerals. You HAVE to see.

You can zoom in on them and--AND---it will tell you where they "mined" them or dug them out. So far, nothing exciting has been brought out from Alabama. Maybe I should get out the 'ol tools, shovels and such and head down to the caves and river banks. Don't think I haven't considered that.

I have absolutely always had a thing for rocks. Not like precious stones or anything-- mostly rocks. There's just nothing like finding a flicker of quartz in a nasty rock by the creekside or digging up some crazy rock that you really feel like your hands were the first to touch. Fossils- hello, a piece of the past, embedded. Love it.

Not sure what that is fueled by but apparently it's been passed on to my daughter too. She takes all of her company first to her dig-hole, then to see her room. She set up camp last summer and dug so many holes in the front yard I am sure our new neighbors thought we were up to no good.

Now if I had the time, I would hunt down and post the picture of me at about the exact same age and at about the same distance from the road and in the same position -- all squatted down with my hands elbows deep in dirt and (get this) trying to SELL my rocks by the roadside. No lemonade stands for me. I sold rocks. Had a sign and everything. To me, that made so much sense. They were awesome. I didn't sell a rock that day. But one car did slow down...

I could have spent the entire day in the Gems and Minerals section in the Natural History Museum. Rocks (i will generalize) are just so hidden and mysterious. So clever of God to put treasures in the earth that are unlike anything anyone has ever seen. Someday in heaven these same stones will line the walls of the New Jerusalem along with some we've never seen. I can't wait! Check out the link, no kidding---it's fragments of heaven unearthed on display in DC.

Recent questions pondered...

2010-07-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

1. Why did people used to be smaller, then bigger, then back smaller then now big again?
2. Why is God allowing some animals to go out of existence? This seems so unfortunate.
3. Why does my face get hot when I eat fruit?
4. Why don't I just go ahead and take a dance class and get it over with?
5. Why did Vic, the guy who fixed the washer today move here from NY?
6. Is saccharine really as bad as the museum of American History proclaims? If it is I may be dying soon is all i know.
7. What if people could see the future in their dreams? Just saying...
8. How do ants get in my dishwasher?
9. Can one survive on old turnips and dry bread?
10. Did Riley wash his hands over the tea pitcher before dinner?

Sadly, all of these thoughts have run through my mind just today. I thought it might be interesting to get them out of my head and see if there was any consistency to them. I see a theme of food and the health/cleanliness of it all, existence, size with always a side from the dreamworld.

I wonder if I am running this dialog as a grown adult, what is going through my teenager's mind, my preteen and then my seven year old Sadie...I wish sometimes they were like that dog on UP where I could get in their minds and hear their unverbalized questions and even more so- how they work them out. But isn't it important about letting questions be questions for the purpose to analyze? I am going with yes. Now to leave with some analytical pictures mostly because I want to use the new picture download from blogger.

I never know what she's thinking. Love that girl.

This is my favorite picture of my children. It exactly depicts them.

All these faces listening so intently shows their personality so much.

I have no doubt his thoughts are surrounding the camera person.

He's either bored or really into what's going on. The beauty of being a thinker.

My World Cup

2010-06-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

No World Cup trophy would make me more proud than this sweet victory. I found this in my camera. Forgot I captured my sweet Sadie in prayer! Priceless.

while the paint dries

2010-06-01T01:57:00.000-07:00

My New Outlet: painting.

I really am excited about a new idea fueled by my super awesome friend Amy. As we painted last night, we decided I should go for 4 words about God, all with 4 letters and different color dots on each canvas. No worries friends- since this picture I have corrected the fact that "just" is larger than "able" and please understand I won't hang them as it reads..."just able". :) Next up --will be adding the word "holy" and one more word to be determined to make a four square of polka dot art about God. Woo Hoo! So here's the rest of the story...why I feel the need to praise Him in this way:

I have had a recent "fascination" you might say for the New Jerusalem described in Rev. 22. To read about what was ahead for us pumped me up so much I bought a huge canvas and was determined to get my vision of the heavenly city on canvas. Ok, so two things- one--I realized I am an amateur in such a way that I think I may have insulted my maker and two --I came to a heightened awareness that this is an outlet. The end. My future in painting...it's going nowhere.

...and the story goes I paint over it. Big surprise- so far there is nothing. Let me repeat -nothing- I have painted that isn't over something else. But something felt really wrong when I painted over this. I had spent the big bucks (well that means about $25) on a major size canvas for my vision of the holy city- NOT the word "Discernment" which is the word I painted over my gift to God happened to be His gift to me. Apparently it was all about me at this point.

The "New J" canvas, even though it was super ugly and might possibly make Christians re-think their journey toward the city itself was still painted precisely out of love and excitement paying major attention to detail. Yeah, I had my Bible out friends... and the new one... "Discernment"---well if anyone even knows what the word means might know that I would have known better.

Who over-thinks their outlet...isn't that the point?

So all my painting is on hold anyway now for the final days before VBS-- although a lot of thinking takes place about what to teach, where things will go, look and feel during VBS...while I paint-times not wasted- i still need full on focus for this awesome week ahead. If I decide to paint the River of Life again with the two awesome trees and the magnificent wall in all it's glory-- I am sure there will be a story behind it to tell- but sadly, probably not a picture to post. Not until i take some classes.

Samuel Gates Killen

2010-05-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Party Number three

Party Number one

I know parents get all worked up their first baby turning 13. I just thought I would be different about it all. Maybe a little less dork, a bit more cool…First, he wasn’t into having a big deal made. S0 when i am ready to embrace the party---want the chaos (mainly to eavesdrop)-- he’s done with it. Seriously?! That fast?! Second, he wants money. That’s all. So much for shopping for the perfect gift to mark his transition. So mature- money. He bought a weight set. Sigh*

So here I am--a mom in a slight panic of “my children are growing up too fast and don’t love me” (his hormones have me insecure) decide to go a bit overboard for my low key/maintenance child. We not only went to eat at Osaka, his favorite restaurant, I also plan a small get together to surprise him with his favorite church pals. Then I may have made another attempt to drag the event by having a cake and special family party at the house. This child is so easy and because of that, I want it to be harder …yeah, that’s about right…I was grasping but I realized he is only going to be with me for like 5 more years- WHAT! ?

So for my 'dedicated to what he does, always a helper and never at a loss for words in an argument' child- I congratulate you for your journey into teenage-hood. I will try to wrap my mind around the fact you are becoming less a child and more a man every day. Please don’t get upset if I try to keep you in a child-like frame of mind -hope that never changes. You amaze me with your dedication to whatever work you have been entrusted, whether school or at home. And your heart to learn more about God has encouraged me to do the same. I am blessed by you in a thousand ways. God knew the right child with the left brain would make a perfect fit for me. You rock Gates. Happy teenage years. May God have mercy on us both. I mean that with all respect. J

Party number two

in a tree

2010-04-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

You must check out these tree houses. I'm not sure what got me started on my fascination in the afterlife but I have been picking up things here and there that blow my mind-- All the scriptures about what's going on in heaven until Jesus returns, all that prep work for us. It had me curious what is being picked out for me. Only God would know my true preferences. I tried to imagine how my palace would be decorated. If there were no boundaries- no money restraints-- what is my true inner personal style??

But now-- POW! I think for sure it will be tree house. If God is preparing a place that is designed just for me I am sure he has cued in on one of these designers from the link-- Hopefully He gave that guy who built the Freespirit Sphere his idea from my floor plan or maybe Alnwick Gardens is really waiting for me upstairs in my LiMe TrEe. How cool if all our houses were in trees?

God knows my favorite part of all Disney World is the Swiss Family Robinson Tree house. I will drag my weary self-- by myself-- up all those knobbly super awesome stairs because my family always will choose to "sit this one out". I always envision slipping past the ropes and cooking in the tiny kitchen and curling up for a nap in the hammock. I do have bathroom concerns but in heaven that shouldn't be a problem. Ding- good to go.

Before you think i have lost it---I don't have any kind of draw towards birds, bark or leaves even, except that i really like tea. I just think the branches of a tree are mystic. The air from a treetop is fresher and --if you know me at all-- you know I feel God in a warm wind. God's gotta love that?! Go climb a tree-- the view is just so much better, it's looking at the same things you are always looking at but at this angle that feels like you have it all figured out. Add some angels rockin' out some praise tunes- and to think if I can imagine this-- what He has thought up will put this to shame. Holy is my God- today, tomorrow--- forever.

My Weekend Experience

2010-04-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

I spent Friday running around working crazy to make sure everything was lined up just right for our Easter Hunt at Cross Point. I spent a lot of the day on details, making sure the play list of music fit and the object lesson made sense... I didn't focus a lot on what happened over 2000 years ago. I guess it was too heavy a topic for my mind to get too wrapped up in. I considered it-- but then pushed it way back.

I looked around the gym that night. So many faces I didn't know. So many people that may not even realize what Jesus really did for them. Still Jesus' suffering wasn't my focus. He kept me on task and helped me through a difficult but hopeful opportunity to share His trial with so many sweet young faces. By some of my brief conversations with the little guys I realized some didn't even know Easter was really about Jesus in the first place. As i felt for them I didn't realize I was still so close to that myself.

But Jesus waited on me.

The next day was soccer and busy-ness and then showering up for a play I had promised myself to take the kids to-- a reenactment of the highlights of Jesus time on earth. "The Passion Play"

After I got over Jesus' receding hairline and the fact I was sitting super close to a lot of people i didn't know at all-- I was wrapped in the drama of Jesus. After being reminded of his nature, his gentleness and the way he loved the "un-noticed" I feel in love again with my brother, my KING. The Prince of Peace did just what He came to do but in His humanness He suffered, He wanted God to choose another way. But the play followed us to eternity and Jesus not in torn worn clothes but robed as He should be. The perspective of my holiness was overwhelming.

Saturday- it sank in- i began realizing I had been missing out on this weekend all the days of my life. I must make it holy. I had to change my life--being reverent to such a Sacred and pivotal weekend.

Sunday shone. Sunday I was ready with a spirit of fire I hadn't come across in a while. I couldn't wait to praise God with my church family. To sing to him how amazing He is. I wish we could have sung all day long. I didn't want worship to end. I hope I didn't.

God is so good. Such a mystery really how by allowing ourselves to seek His face we can feel alive and stronger than ever. To allow His word to sink in and take hold makes everything seem fresh again. His death makes me aware how Satan can make things so messed up. His life makes me want to live better. His resurrection makes me want to cheer! I am sure that this weekend I cheered for his plan coming together the way it did. I know it's not all full circle yet-- I can't wait for that to happen! "The New Jerusalem" --- don't get me started. All i know is it's gonna be worth it all.

An idea revealed in the little...

2010-03-14T14:47:00.000-07:00

For the past few days i have invested time in researching church websites and fellow children's ministers blogs to see the benefits of communicating with each other- what service they really offer... The idea is to create something like an open forum for Cross Point members to help each other out with the spiritual growth of our children.

You know the idea, offer links and support and wisdom for and from each other. I have given it a lot of consideration and prayer and feel like it could be a huge way to build community within our families.

So while I get rejuvenated through working with a passion of mine I plan on forming deeper relationships with the parents of our kids at CP. However, I want this to be OURS. Not my agenda or my ideas and thoughts on paper for you guys to read and ponder.

I want the topics to be chosen by YOU and the format and the advice-- I even want you guys to choose a name. So lets go from there. I am planning on planting this post everywhere I know... I want Cross Point families to hear about this and be in on it from the beginning.

Writing has a way of calming me... gets the crazy out of my head and on paper and then i edit. I feel like the edit on paper has somehow counseled me. A lot of times its my way of getting silent before the Spirit. I make no apologies and am thankful that the Lord has room to move through the keys.

I hope that families can make a habit of checking in on this every day or so- to gain a tip, a verse, an inspiration. May the things we share with each other can get the crazy out and the Power in.

So comment. Right here, right now-- for now. I will use my "Going tHis Way" to sort of "test run" this idea. Comment on topics and a name to start out. Offer prayer requests also. I am really pressed to pray and want to mention that God WILL move through this forum if we ask Him---

Matthew 11:25

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

Isn't it cool that Jesus said he hides things from the big people (if we dare say we are wise and learned) and has revealed them to little people? Doesn't it make you really want to watch and study them even more closely? Let's get busy doing that then figure out how to guide these little wise ones the best way we can.

We are United Slideshow

2010-03-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

Wow. What a production. With setbacks of sickness, snow and several other heavy happenings- we managed a performance of staying united night after night. To bond is one of my favorite things we have as Christians. I know I have officially bonded with these kids in a way that is priceless. The timing was essential. God has such fun with me!

What makes up my Alabama "snow" day...

2010-01-29T14:30:00.000-08:00

3 cups of hot cocoa
· Half of a game of Phase 10
· One child grounded from their DSi
· 18 fish sticks and 2 boxes of spiral mac
· Several trips to the window.
· Several reminders it’s not snow.
· 2 games of Wii with a couple of friends from the United Kingdom
· 3 episodes of Jonas Brothers
· 4 attempts to teach a 7 year old how to shuffle
· One of four special “walk Hershey through the kitchen” moments
· 20 texts and emails to cancel play practice.
· Count them, seven- times I was asked for a Popsicle--?!
· One attempt to watch a movie “The Soloist”-crazy homeless guy who distracts a busy fast paced NY Times writer with his genius.
· One attempt to read a book - “Crazy Love”- writer guy attempts to distract Christianity to be crazy for his genius God.
· 2 moments of feeling confirmed- sometimes crazy is good.
· One super-hot-pink-skin shower.
· 3 attempts to work the family puzzle.
· Zero glances at a datebook, calendar or planner.

Me in Real Life

2010-01-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

Today i spent in the world of theater. I watched two different movies, totally unrelated and completely different in every way. (Sherlock Holmes was one, you can guess the other) And when i wasn't watching what someone put together for my enjoyment, i spent in another filmstrip going on in my mind.

Pretending, writing, thinking, to the point i was in another time and place. I was left imagining- what if i let my mind have way with itself? Writing while listening to the music that inspires and wishing I knew what else to do when i get to this point. Usually i end up thinking "you better stop wasting time and do something more productive" which is my exact back of my mind thought at this very moment. I will choose to ignore and carry on for now...

The thoughts of Oswald tonight sent me back to what i know. Find Him and you will find you- by following Him, your heart will be drawn into your soul--being wrapped up in the outpouring. Lately my pace is at an all time fast rate and I don't even recognize myself. Who is this girl? There's no outpouring going on here. Just a lot of planning. I feel drained and while i know the planning makes things work and happen- i can't seem to pull my head above water for a breath of art and fancy and heart.

Where's the balance?

I love that word and hate it all at the same time. One thing I know is I am not made for this world leaving me constantly unbalanced. But the other thing i know for sure is that i am here, so i better find that dang balance and figure out what i need more of to pull that scale down a bit.

Balance to me means learning to pull myself out of the fairy-tale world my mind lives in where i can dance and no one yells at anyone- ever and think straight and organized and simply. I can recognize a good organizer and planner from a mile away, but for the life of me i can't mimic them standing front and center. Why is that?

So my age long pursuit stands in front of me. I must put my big girl panties on and tell some lucky folks what to do, where to go, what to teach, fix, learn, drive, ....it goes on. Sometimes i think I may be in the wrong business. Sometimes i think i just need to stop my whining, let God show me up and let Jesus shine.

Whichever direction I decide to lean towards, I know I love my God and He will make all things right. Eventually things will make sense again and I will have had a taste of my passion and it will look fairly put together for those who see the need in that.

Until then I will be praying for desire, for hope to float up again and inspire me- and for my complicated mind to rest.

shining through.

2009-12-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

I see your true colors

shining through

I see your true colors

and that's why I love you

so don't be afraid to let them show

your true colors

true colors are beautiful

like a rainbow

My Joe Riley

2009-12-13T21:50:00.001-08:00

The middle child. The keeper of my sanity and destroyer of it, all rolled up in a curly headed, snaggle toothed boy. This child is generated by people and when exposed- turns into a burst of energy that can either light up a room or run everyone out of it. It has been eleven years of joy having him in my life.

Tonight at prayer-time we settled into an interesting conversation about each child's spiritual gifts. We decided Gates is the helper, Sadie, compassion and when i dropped the bomb on Riley that i felt his gift was hospitality (making people feel at home around him) i was worried he may feel unsure, like it was a "girl" gift. Instead, he cranked up the butler routine and began inviting us all to his room in a British accent. He is a character so often that sometimes I wonder what's really going on in his floppy haired head of his.

I had to post about my Joe Riley- judging by the 19 month difference he and his brother have- i realize that my time is ticking having a son that will still throw his arms around his mom and smack a kiss on her cheek. Maybe he won't loose that spark in him but i know soon he will be too cool for that. My heart did sink a bit when I brought him lunch for his birthday at school and he told me i didn't have to stay...

Thinking about how this whole weekend revolved around him- the two day birthday celebration and then the band concert, it was easy to see my child was full. I enjoyed his spirit and wish i could keep him this high on life all the time- he's really is fun to be around. Always ready with a joke, noticing small things and asking deep questions- in some ways beyond his years and in others i pray for his maturity. How can that be? I guess it's the nature of a tween. God bless him and us as we enter another decade of Riley. My heart.

Tis the Season...

2009-11-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

Today is Nov. 29th, close enough to December for a "My Favorites" list. I was just catching up on last years list, interesting things i must mention:

* Jon and Kate are divorced-sending the joy they brought me to an all time low. From their series to their commercial to their song (and come ON! 8 kids!) couldn't they have tried harder to find it for each other? :(

* I lost the gloves that apparently made me giddy.

* Tale of Despereaux...too much sad mouse. Marley and Me...too much sad dog. Benjamin Buttons...too much sad old man/boy. Yes Man...too much yes.

* After I apparently had fallen in love with my house, i moved.

SO, this year...

1. Somethings I have discovered new since last year:: Obviously first being:: I will miss Michael Jackson's music. "Man in the Mirror" can i just say *genius* Second:: Confirmation is so important to me. Third:: Serve where God has you. End of story. Don't drag out questions. Keep it that simple.

2. "How Many Kings?" Downhere. Could it replace "Do they know it's Christmastime?" ...maybe

3. My friends are God's amazing gift to me. Merry Christmas to me. God bless them, everyone!

4. gLee. Every song- seriously, almost every song makes me so happy i want to jump up and cheer or cry or something ridiculously overly emotional. Topping my list this year...(surprise, iTunes $)

5. Contemporary routines from "so you think..." please let me learn how to dance -!- i will consider that i am too old and goofy and am *meant to be a fan...* but come on! Someday i will get the nerve to ask for dance lessons for Christmas.

6. 10? maybe i jumped the gun- i haven't really even broke out all the music and Sadie's goofy Christmas shirts yet...

7. Black Friday won this year. I couldn't do it, deals were officially less important than sleep. But I am sure to absorb some shopping spirit before the season ends. I love love love Hobby Lobby and thanks to them more "homemade Christmas" is sure to develop- feel the need to apologize.

8. Looking sooo forward to cooking this year. (I broke out in new directions of creativity this year from cooking to painting to kicking out a necklace or two) I really can't wait to have my kitchen covered in pans, flour, delicious smells and some loud music. Maybe some Rachel Ray channeling, or better...what chef has a French accent? oh yeah...

9. I must admit this to possibly have been the best year for decorating. Reason:: I did not put one tree limb into one metal pole, I did not match one letter to one faded off color. I did not vacuum the first spindle of pine off the carpet. My husband did so with my 2 strong sons. While i sang and cooked in the kitchen the house developed into Christmas central and I just showed up for the decorating. Presto, he got it right this year. This is our (ahem) 15th Christmas together.

10. Wrapping matters. The cuter the package the better the gift looks. I discovered this a few years back but i am officially embracing the disguise and taking wrapping to a whole new level. At least for me, I am a far cry from AC and I realize i may never reach her level of expertise, but one gift at a time. This will be the best wrapped holiday season yet.

Well, i guess that's a wrap.

See how that worked?- Now how cute am I?

Merry Christmas Blogger friends. All one of you. You know who you are Amy Browning. Should i just call you up for a girls night out instead of writing up all this?

Movies to catch this season in order of excitement:

The Blind Side- doesn't count as a Christmas movie but am pacing to see it...

1. Everybody's Fine

2. Invictus

3. Precious- not getting in Flotown :(

4. Up in the Air

5. The Fantastic Mr. Fox

After Christmas first on my list: Leap Year with Amy Adams. Enchanted flashback? Please let it be.

safe landings.

2009-11-07T21:52:00.000-08:00

i live in a swirly kind of place. where i really never land on anything for long- then when i do- i do my thing then off swirling again. while the flighty style suits me so and is it's always nice for me to be in the wind- i really had grown weary of the "side effects" of my lack of channeling. for the past few days i have- possibly for the first time in my life- experienced what it might be like to stay on the station. i landed, channeled, focused, laughed, cried and felt like a better me.

yeah, i have help. don't think it wasn't prayed over intensely- but through this gift, as today i see it- i was blessed with one of the best conversations i have had in the past 5 years with my mom. my holds weren't barred and she was my parent and i relished it. she talked to me about who i was growing up. the kind of spirit i had and heart. i needed to hear that so badly. i didn't realize how i needed be her daughter.

i shared with her the bond sadie and i have and the relationship she already exhibits with God- and she said "now you know what i had"- man- after feeling like her little girl again, i knew more than ever you never stop missing your mom. then i held on to the next few things she said while the Spirit led her.

i talked to her about needing rest. she reminded me Jesus needed rest often during his ministry. God himself in the flesh. thru my tears she told me i was precious to her and i need rest. and we talked about what she saw in me as a teenager. she told me she just knew i would end up working with children with special needs. i was happy to tell her i was and that she was right- i do work with them and am more filled by that part of my life than most other things i sink in to. i felt like i was where i needed to be. for now- for sure.

we connected. i let her in and she was on my page. i feel so loved today. thankful for her. her life. her LIFE. her choices. her strength. her huge strength that gets shadowed by her very very tender heart. her convictions she instilled in me. i broke down a wall that i wasn't sure could be moved. God is so good. i have landed today.

i know i love wind too much to become a different person thru all this awakening but i am looking forward to a better me. i can see God healing parts of me i didn't think really mattered that much. and thru those, big healings have begun. so blessed...

i love my church.

2009-10-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight we gain an extra hour. Watch me sit here and waste it away. I guess writing my thoughts isn't a total waste but I could be crashing after a long day. Tonight was our Harvest Fest. The big event that involves 1/2 the church it feels like. Coordinating all the people/help- is a feat in and of itself. Not to mention reserving, purchasing, the donations, the inevitable shopping and the candy, man the candy...but after all is said and done- a grandiose blessing.

I watched families work together. Get dressed up together, laugh together- pray together. I know it's a Halloween alternative event- not Sunday worship or anything but it's got me thinking about God so much. He not only provided a gorgeous day filled with sun when the weathermen all week said rain, He rallied up a group of people- a mash up of CP members to serve and befriend each other.

I love why He makes these things happen. It may have been great for our community- but I can see how great it was for our church family. I feel like I bonded a bit with everyone because we all had a common goal-hot dogs, drinks, cotton candy, yeah- but more so the people from the community fueled our energy levels and made us want to make it a great event.

Passing each other in the kitchen, stealing a bowl of chili in the midst of the hectic, working out funnel cakes after we tripped two breakers- i am, for this moment, in love with my CP family. I love that my preacher stayed all day- from the moments at the beginning until we shut out the kitchen lights- he took out trash, set up chairs and handed out cokes. Stayed just as busy and worked just as hard as the rest. A good man.

I love that even though we changed the day late in the game, we had more help than ever. I love that after wrapping 3200 hot dogs my kitchen coordinator couldn't leave- saying "i have to see how this plays out!" then got in there and served popcorn for two and a half hours. I love that two people were there just to pray with people. I love that my son worked a game this year and my kids didn't mention one time to me how they missed out on trick or treating in our neighborhood- I love that I finally got to meet Pam that I have been hearing all about...

So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow I will sleep well with my little reminder-I love that we love our community and I love that we love each other. Whether or not we had a t-shirt for everybody or that we got that super great job that we wanted- we had a good attitude- and after a long time of planning and prep- this has made a difference to me.

My life, His Ministry.

2009-10-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

Aren't those kids gorgeous? It's kinda crazy to think that just about everything I physically do is for these people. Not only am I their mother but I am also their minister. I mean that's my job I am paid for and am called to do without the paycheck. That's a crazy concept and if I think about it too long the pressure rises up in me. I sometimes look at my set up and praise God for the amazing opportunity that I get to be caretakers of their souls in a sense. Then sometimes I am scared to death thinking all I am is all I got and without His intervention I am pretty much gonna lead them into no good. Not intentionally but if i know anything, I know I am no good without Him.

I know God has me in ministry not because of my gifts or talents or even willingness, but because I need ministry. For me to be closer to Him, I need a daily responsibility that keeps me working and diligent. It is a let down in a way. I wish He knew I could work secularly and still be a charming Christian. But the job makes the man here. I am a better person because I am called to be. Not better than anyone else- better than I would be. Make no mistake.

Even that these words are somehow coming out like I needed and wanted them to are words that God is giving me to better help me express myself and help me be more clear minded. I am telling you, without Him, I am a mess. He supplies everything. The ideas, the craftiness the desire even. He puts that in me everyday- I go to Him for a "quick fix" in making phone calls mostly, that is truly my hardest feat as a minister, how ridiculous. I love words and expression is so important to me but when I am on a phone without a face- I am lost and fumble and my heart isn't displayed well because my mind gets all in the way. I am the one that leaves the ridiculous phone messages and I am the one that somehow suddenly can't make small talk to save her life.

God makes up for our shortcomings. Thankfully- the job doesn't necessarily require a lot of phone calls. And thankfully it does require someone who knows they really aren't much without the Father. I still can't take the pressure of those three in that picture. The relationship is easy, to love them is a breeze but to teach them what all they need to know?! I find myself leaning in on the Father again feeling as helpless as ever. One day at a time. One phone call at a time. One decision at a time. Thankfully one child entering jr. high- at a time. One prayer for wisdom at a time.

Happy Fall to Me

2009-10-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

I have officially been denying the fall. The fresh air, the gentle breeze, the sun, when it actually came out and warmed it all to the perfect temperature something so natural happened it seemed unnatural. I fell in love. Not just "ah, this feels nice" but I went to the same extreme of denying God's change of season with ungrateful disinterest and scoffs at people loving the "football weather" to feeling all "alive" and running in circles with arms wide open like a scene from "The Sound of Music". It's time to embrace the fall for what it is. I know the next line is different for everyone. But for me it's change. The colors, the temp., the smells. See... I like summer. I like warm, i like green. These ARE a few of my favorite things. But fall brings cold and brown. Cold and brown and colder and then barren. Yuck for me. Then why today do i feel delicious?

Being inside with my toothless child lent me to some quality time with him until his interest in the TV overcame his interest in me. So i naturally get on FB, twitter, blogs, anything that reminded my mind i am in a bigger world than this one in which my couch and tv set...

One, I was reminded that I desperately want to go to Africa. Two, I was reminded that I really can't keep up nor want to keep up with the runnings of this world. I have never been a newsy kinda girl and when i wrap my brain around the loudness of community and entertainment and media, i shrink a little. And instead of feeling alive- i feel little. Being inside obviously isn't the answer.

So today, I will suit up up my soccer playing spawn and breathe deep. Lift fall right into my air passages and hold tight. I will overcome the temptation too dread winter. I will overcome the temptation to be all grumpy with every one's delightful meaner . I will take in the day with joy and gladness and hope. That one day winter will not scare me and brown will be my color. And that coats and socks and scarves and chills will be overshadowed with coziness and blankets and a good book and maybe some hot chocolate.

Fall-*sigh* Here I come.

Where did the time go?

2009-09-20T11:34:00.001-07:00

Wednesday of this week my baby turns seven. Did you get that?? My baby will be SEVEN. For three years now I have known she wants to be known for anything but being a baby and has never been the type to pull the baby card. But it probably would have worked. I am just now letting go of the fact she doesn't need me to rock her to sleep. Yeah, I drug that out waaay long. That was like the last thing I finally let go and wouldn't have done it differently if someone paid me.

She is Miss Independent and loves to be in the middle of anything that involves dirt or maybe a 64 pack of fresh crayons. Her choice of pastime: Mia, riding her Huffy, watching the boys make their "Headless Productions" (watch out world, this is serious entertainment) and swimming like there's no tomorrow. One of her quirks is her famous hand puppet (see picture below). It has made every photo album for a couple of years now. It's always popping up in my camera.

Her birthday she wants to paint. I am secretly ecstatic and can't wait for the mini "Sips and Strokes" I am recreating. She can't wait to open her presents, she's asked for a green scooter. A green scooter she will have. All wrapped and ready.

Sometimes I look at her and think, I have a little girl and she is perfect. Her hazel eyes, freckles and scraggly red curls are the idea of gorgeous to me. She cleans up well but usually she is Sadie only when she's dirty from some hole she has dug and hair in her eyes that have fallen from her pigtails (her hairstyle of choice). Always choosing a t-shirt and shorts to wear everyday no matter how hard I try to convince her that girls wear leggings or skirts too and it doesn't mean they are "girlie girls". She owns the tom-boy role with great pride.

So again, another milestone. The boys are tweens, officially down to the very last crumb which is never left on either of their plate. Eating everything in sight, fast. Hair products are being asked for and girls are NOT gross to them. Their changes are fun for sure and happening almost at the same time as it seems like it always has been. I get double teamed by those two and there is never a dull moment. Yeah, that is a pig Riley is holding...

All this being said, I am a blessed mom. Three kids that really are joy to me. They keep me sane. They teach me lessens. They call me to a higher ground.

blank canvas

2009-08-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

Today i woke up and said, it's a blog-worthy day. Actually, i didn't say that at all that when i woke up. I came here thinking i would look up Amy's new diet. No really, I stumbled here looking for blank canvas sold wholesale. Google can lead you crazy places. Did you know there is a blog, "Blank Canvas"? But the truth is i did think already this morning, "I would like to read about Amy's diet on her blog" so that's where I am heading next. For sure. Did you know I was already logged on? Used that as a sign I must blog...Must be connected to my gmail account. Its def. been a while.

Wow. I really forgot how to blog.

I am so happy to be here. I think blogging is a dying art. I am suddenly upset of it's being assumed second fiddle to facebook. Whateva. Even though I hate the word "blog" and think the concept is a bit self fullfilling, those of us who need an outlet to be their very own creative writer- it's exactly perfect. Fresh, blank piece of paper, newly sharpened pencil and the smell of crayons. Yummy. I really like to pretend a teacher just announced a topic and I get to go any direction i want to with it. My next adventure. Now what's my topic?

Yesterday I treated myself to 10 new downloads. Then 3 freebies. Have you heard of Nelo?Walkin' Around, Jumping Bean, Footsteps- local band- who knew?? And Parachute? "She is Love" is so about God, replace She with HE. What about Sarah Reeves- "Come Save" so clean and godly. Special thanks to Rachel McGuire for those picks. Good call g'friend. Needtobreathe..."Lay 'Em Down"- feel good fall music right there. And then you know Aug. 25 marked Colbie Caillat and Ingrid Michaelson's new CD release. Got me a couple of good ones from there too- Ingrid's "Maybe"-you can sing it before it's over. My favorite kind. And Colbie's "You Got Me", so Colbie- so bubbly, but it so has me. It's like the smell of the new pack of diapers except in listening form. So giddy.

Can't wait to drive somewhere or cook something so i have an excuse to just listen. Mmm. Jason Mraz, "If It Kills Me", that guy can sing. I think he and I sing well together. If he only knew. Got an intro to Glee's next episode free. Riley and I have watched a few times. Plus the song she sings when she's trying out for the Glee club, free download people...

So there's an update of my personal vice. I could spend too much money if allowed on music. Not the direction i had expected since it's been a year since i blogged but i am a bit rusty.

Back to finding canvas's wholesale. Got a couple of projects cooking up. And Amy's blog.

2008-12-05T06:46:00.000-08:00

My Favorite Things: Christmas 2008

10. Jon and Kate Plus 8- Any episode- I feel motherhood just came back. I know she's rough on him but cut her a break and he holds his own so let up- it's working for them.

9. The song from TLC commercial (featuring Jon and Kate and other Family reality shows) "Beautiful Life", Fisher. It makes me happy.

8. Planning Christmas presents. It truly gets me giddy.

7. My mitten/gloves. They are two in one and long awaited for. Thank you Wal-Mart for making them and making them cost effective.

6. Anything featuring gift giving without the cost. This year America is being challenged to think creatively and the ideas are awesome. Creativity is in baby!

5. Band-Aid, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" It fuels me when I do the Toy-Give-Away, it's as close as we can get here in Alabama. And I am pretty sure God is smiling on it.

4. Genius Sidebar, iTunes. If you love music you will so love this. I am fascinated, it's pure genius.

3. Christmas movies! I can't wait to see the following:

Yes Man
Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons
Marley and Me
Bedtime Stories
Tale of Despereaux

Mark and I saw "Four Christmas's" already and let me say, "I laughed, I cried..." it's worth it.

2. My kids' ages. They are at some really fun places this year. It's pretty awesome when you truly look forward to spending one on one time with your kids because you like who they are and think they are neat. I would choose them if they weren't given to me. I am sure of it.

1. Home. I didn't know what I was going to put here until i got here. I can say my physical home and I have had some turbulence this year with the leaks and unmentionables :) but in the end i love this old house and the warmth that it has. But the home i feel when i get around my family has to top it all off. It would just be cold and old without them. I love them in a fierce way and everyday I hope to be learning more on how to be a better person at "family". God is gracious with me and has set me around so many families with awesome examples of love busting at the seams. It's a true blessing to have that "i'm home" feeling.

Who are you -really?

2008-11-20T10:28:00.000-08:00

This cute little 30 min. deal with Christina Applegate has been on my mind today- Samantha Who? In the show Samantha has lost all of her memory and from all the snippets pulled from her memory we soon see she is much the better to have lost her old self. She's so kind and fun now where before she was awful.

This had me thinking- what would our true self be without outside circumstances interfering? I know that's impossible but lets just say those circumstances had been different. How different would we be? The only way I can respond to that is to think about who am i? I think the person I am right now is not fully who I am at heart. So not meaning to be a downer but we have to make adjustments because of other choices. And eventually you change. But at heart, are you able to be what your mind and heart leads you towards? and if so- how?

Being a Follower, I am able to adjust because there is something bigger and better I am called to do than how I might prefer to be or maybe even am supposed to be (?). I still have selfish moments where I want to express myself in a totally different way than the conformity's of my community and even lifestyle. I want to bust out and write a book or be in a play or travel to Africa and live a few months. I want to teach my kids to plant a garden and live off the land. Then i want to live in New York for a while...
Am I crazy?

So what is your heart wanting to bust out and do?

Roll Tide!

2008-11-17T11:41:00.001-08:00

I am so proud to be an Alabamian these days I had to express myself. Seriously, I really am proud of our football team (although I am a claimed Georgia Dogs fan- GO DOGS!) but I did this canvas for the food pantry auction at Cross Point. I am so thankful and excited to announce the Outreach Group in charge of this function raised over $12,000 to feed the hungry in the Shoals. Way to go my awesome friends who were in that group! God is good! (this canvas didn't play a huge part, only a very slight fraction in fact of that total- but I had to show it off and keep record of this for myself when I am having a "you can't do that" moment...)

frank mauled

2008-11-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

the haze isn't the picture, it's the lovely firehouse smoke that occasionally would smog over all of us. but here's a shot of one of the highlights of my night. i have to say i laughed out loud at how nervous they were. soo chatty. ken did an excellent job of of smacking Frank. poor guy. jenny got this shot of right after the hit. i can't wait to post some more pics of the night! i am getting all the pictures together but i had to go on with this.

2008-10-15T20:34:00.001-07:00

Here goes! I hope i don't over think this because i am a bit overwhelmed thinking i have to produce 20 years before your eyes right now...

20 years ago, Oct. 15th, 1988-

I am a freshman which means I am playing basketball and am about to crank up my first season. I am singing loudly in gym with Holly Sewell, "Mr Big Stuff" if i am hearing it right...I have pictures of Michael J Fox all over my butterfly bedroom (harvest gold and burnt orange with green shag carpet) I had begun my mix tape collection and recorded most of my music straight from the radio so i caught a lot of DJ talk. It was something I worked daily. I kept a daily journal and would write in it every night before bed. I would give myself advice for when I had kids someday. I should go look that thing up.

10 years ago, Oct. 15, 1998-

I have an 18th month old Gates who is so totally awesome and I am very pregnant with Spencer Grant (aka- Joseph Riley). I am actually sitting on the couch watching life pass me by. Little Spencer/ Riley tried to come early and I had to sit out the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. I am feeling a bit powerless but my friends are awesome and would even come and worship with me. Gates is very independent but doesn't say much yet. He is fast and furious and I can't wait to be able to take care of my house again.

5 years ago, Oct. 15, 2003

Sadie and Riley are now additions to the Killen Kids and life is going along day by day. Sadie is about 13 months old and i think she's beautiful and amazing. The boys are probably feverishly planning their Halloween costumes. I am working at Darby Drive part time officially as the Children's Minister. We are about to have our first Harvest Festival.

1 year ago, Oct. 15, 2007

I have a 5th and 3rd grader and my baby is finishing up her last year in pre-school. I am working still and finally after 6 years as a CM the rhythm of it comes easier. I am getting used to the idea that my kids are getting big. I officially do not have a baby. We moved to the big city and are loving our house. The kids all have their own room. The additions are all complete and we are settled in well. I am attending a lot of functions at the McGee farm lately.

Yesterday, Oct. 14, 2008

I packed three lunches and no one complained about the contents (amazing) and took all the kids to school. I dropped them off and went in in order to get a receipt for a donation from Heavenly Ham for Pumpkin Day. Then i went to said HH and got the $15 gift card, met up with a grandmother in whom i did not know and sent her on her way with the card then went straight to CPCC for a staff meeting which led me straight on to the rest of my day.

Today, Oct. 15, 2008

No lunch making because its chicken strip day Wednesday. Woo Hoo! Met up with Erin H and Krista for a lovely day of painting yellow. Had lunch with Cort and then back to painting, alone this time. I pick up the crazies at 2:50 and then we are back home for a moments peace before church tonight. Sat thru the latest Beth Moore video and was bonded with my lovely Christian lady friends with a very huge shoulder to shoulder prayer. Little awkward but big on purpose and felt hugely encouraged. And now I am here, decompressing a bit.

Tomorrow, Oct. 16, 2008

I plan on packing 3 lunches, cheese and bread i guess because i need to get groceries. I will be taking the kids to school again because i have to drop off my pumpkin day basket items. I then will be prancing off to said grocery store then back to paint with Amanda this time. We may have to just get rooms ready to paint and maybe have time to walk 5 miles. too much info? Then kids, karate and make supper and bedtime. I am tired just thinking about it.

McGee Farm on Benadryl

2008-10-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

I had to share this. Sadie has been suffering from some allergies so it only made sense to give her a Benadryl tablet before going to the McGee Farm and being around dust and hay all day. I guess I didn't think it completely through. She obviously still didn't get the most out of the trip to the patch.

(Above she is showing me her collection of cotton. Anything to dodge my camera.)

Playing in corn... everything she formed in the loose corn involved a bed or pillow of some type.

the closest i got to an actual smile

2008-10-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

i have a numerous amount of things on my mind. the sad part is none of it is worthy of keeping track of someday in order to blog about. it's this time of my life that i will look back on and either not remember or not like myself because i was so all consumed that i don't recognize who i am.

i am trying hard in my conversations to God to limit the complaining. there are so many things going right. but mostly those things are things i don't even know i am so blessed with (ex. kids being healthy, home, bed, friends) because i have never truly had to do without.

so here i sit. bogged down, overloaded with work at church, school and home and satan strikes like he always does. this time in the form of eliminating the ease of flow of these easy blessings (i am going to term them)

for example, sadie started complaining with a headache and is stuffy, sinus infection i am sure. sick. one strike
rileys bed broke, clean in two parts. we need a new bed. strike two
the house has had, well i will just say, some trials. she's old and tired and needs some adjusting, which costs us. strike three.

petty petty petty. i should stop and delete but i am hoping to find a point. i think satan sees us a beutiful red target when we overload ourselves. and strikes while we are down. i have asked God with my white flag waving to send in His warriors on my behalf. but when said with a bad attitude, not sure that will be exactly how He will choose to work it.

but this time Satan decided to nag me. which led me to a temptation i haven't felt in a while, I am ungrateful. maybe i am always ungrateful, surely i am in some ways but mostly I am trying to find the good things and make some peace about that. but not lately. i am thinking "what good things?!" i can't let Satan have a foothold, i know better. and i know if i focused on the verse about being still and resting, my life wouldn't have such control over me.

i haven't anyway to close these thoughts, i am still in the middle of them. i want to say pray! for me, and i hope you will but some part of me says get up, you know what to do.

Color Me Inspired

2008-09-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry if you have heard this story. I really want to keep this blog sort of like a journal or scrapbook so I am trying to make it cuter and keep up with the things i don't want to forget even if it's just for me.

This summer after a scary and loud thunderstorm in the mountains God left this little reminder. The cool part, he let it fall on another reminder. Sadie and Annie, my niece saw it and ran downstairs screaming "rainbow!". We all grabbed our cameras. These pictures just don't do it justice. It was a true God moment!

2008-09-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

i have discovered i am not a great "self-starter" so they say. i like things to be exciting and begun. i was thinking how most of the time my job as a children's minister is sort of just that. exciting and begun. but not always. there are these transitions and beginnings that i have to ignite myself and sometimes the match won't strike and i sit here at a screen and all i can think about it how i really want to be an anthropologist. mark and i are in season 2 of Bones and if you know me, i fall in love a little bit with characters. this one surprisingly is not the lead, hot guy "Booth" but the nerdy guy who loves dirt, "Hodges", i am not struck like i was/am with House and Keifer. But i am looking forward to when his turn to be onscreen comes around. i really want to research crime scenes and of course it all rolls back around to me wanting to be a detective...

can you miss your calling this badly? and there really is no way to combine my true calling to this fantasy. that just wouldn't be good now would it?

i also would like to dance like those kids on "so you think you can dance" but i am letting that one go. if i am calling the contestants "those kids" i am probably too old for that dream...

one of my favorite moments this summer was when the little girls in my cabin at camp did our skit. i loved seeing that come together- i felt that swelling up of pride. i am not sure if anyone in the audience including adults understood the skit, but those girls did. for those of you who care we did Michael Buble's "Everything" with the words being about a little girl and her first love, Jesus. They dance. It was a true moment for me. I will post some pictures and the lyrics.

------------------- Michael Buble's Everything-------now be thinking about Jesus!

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

(now Jesus speaks)
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

If you have made it to here, you deserve to know i am such a sucker for drama and to add to that I don't have a little 5 year old red headed shadow with me everywhere and my mind is rolling all the time about what can i do next. i know i need to strike that match and get my next trimester in place. i wish i could do it like they do in the movies and sing and twirl around to catch the suspected prospects for the winter term. Or maybe i could find clues that led me to the right people...pray God will make this part exciting for me :)

2008-08-18T11:46:00.001-07:00

Leave it to Gates to take the ordinary game of Jenga and turn it into the hill where all eternity was forever changed. Am I silly to say this is a proud moment for mom?

2008-08-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

well yesterday was the big day and we all made it ok...

i am doing my best to keep myself busy and it's not all that hard. i do have a job :) today sadie got in the car after day two of kindergarten (with mrs. mills by the way) where she immediately goes thru her folder and lays all her papers all over the car. she, riley and gates are all back in action and i am beginning to see the future of my winter months. calm them chaos, calm them chaos, and on it goes until the weekend that works out to be all chaos. i hope i can get used to the calm.

this year i am feeling so completely blessed and content with where the kids are and who they are around. it doesn't hurt that two of my children are with my Cross Point sisters (and even my for real sister in law, Lisa). God is so good. Gates came home with one less tooth thanks to yet another Cross Point sister. i am feeling the joys of a small town. i know the smallness has it's bad side but today i am riding the waves.

2008-07-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

here lately my tears are right on the edge. i almost don't want to share this because i know what will happen. i will sit here at my laptop and sob and waste a good night by myself. i know there are more things i could be worked up about that could possibly be more justified of the emotions but tonight i don't care. let me just take a minute to tell you what's going on in my mind. sit tight...

sadie sharpened her pencils tonight. every single one of them. her purple pencil case that she sooo wanted is now full of super sharp number two's. why am i sobbing? her kindermat is folded and had already been laid on while she watched tv, played "littlest petshop" and did prayer time. she knows what she wants to wear on the first day of school and she's (her words) going to be happy with whoever she gets...(mrs. adcock or mrs. mills- and she says mrs. mills instead of summer now)

i actually caught her playing "eny, meny, miny, moe" with her small collection of paint brushes. she couldn't see that her new watercolor set had one in it already. my throat choked up as i opened it for her and she said "oh, i thought i needed one and i didn't know which one to pick." the yellow one had won and now she had two brushes because that made sense to her.

we obviously shopped for school supplies today and she was so precious. surprisingly she didn't want everything she saw but she was so grown up. so willing to wait while we picked out rileys protractor and gates magnetic locker pencil holder. she loved everything purple and chose wisely on her lunchbox. she now has her cute little name on everything all stacked up and ready to go

for one week from today

(she got that from her daddy)

i am crazy about her. pray for me and my soon to be empty house.

2008-06-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

I think i am going to take a break from the updates of my life- most of my readers (that just made me chuckle susan and julie) know i have been consumed and obsessed with peace, love and eternal life. (Go VBS 08! woo hoo!)

Before that I was all consumed with school and the end of the year then our vacation. It is so much more fun to take our kids to the beach now that they actually like it.

Now i feel a bit more like myself. I get to relax, read a blog or two and maybe be a little about me if just for a minute.

here are my so far this summer observations:

-kids are usually happy when they are wet. double happy when they are wet and in their clothes.
-plaster of paris is useful but very...hard.
-harrison ford has still got it
-a giant panda CAN make you laugh
-there are tv shows for any type of home repair or improvement. i am in love with hgtv.
-cube cheese goes a long way
-patrick dempsey could pick his nose and i would pay $8 to see it
-Alabama houses some serious sized beatles that freak me out
-A lot of people are getting married this summer and thankfully they like chicken.
-i think the brady bunch sings our summer theme song...i never would have thought that could happen

orange beach

2008-06-02T20:48:00.001-07:00

all i have time for is a few pictures. it was fun. i ran into bill and simpson on the beach so we headed to Lamberts with the almons!

2008-05-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

i am in a bloggy mood...how about a top 10?

top 15 things i have come aware of lately: in no particular order

1- dance dance revolution in not as easy as one might think
2- i really like listening to the radio, it's so surprising
3- when i pray more, i want to pray more
4- 20 miles a day is going to be harder than i thought
5- i think i like my bangs
6- i think i like broccoli in casseroles
7- la fondas isn't really family friendly
8- i think i don't want to give birth to any more children
9- boldness is a good thing but can be a bad thing. moderation goes across the board.
10-i need a vacation
11-i use that little mirror in my van to check on the kids
12-i am addicted to caffine but water is boring me. what do i do?
13-i might wear too much blush. somebody tell me, no don't! ok tell me...
14-summer frightens and excites me.
15-when i organize i get seriously confused

searching for symphonies

2008-04-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

g'morning.

last night i watched "august rush" again and decided that movie has to be the sappiest movie designed for music lovers who believe in romance before the basics of life itself. yes, yes, it is one of my favorite movies but i realized last night not for that sappy romance musicy reason alone (although that just really gets me...) i think the idea of that movie is awesome...that a child can believe in something so strong and not give up no matter what he's being told.

then i asked myself, what do i believe? the passion i could fall back on was my passion in Jesus and how God is so amazing. i know passion stems from belief, of course i believe in Them. but i am not writing symphonies here and i am not bringing life full circle. i know it is a movie and unfortunately people don't walk around with such grounded belief systems, but what if we did?! what if we responded to criticism with belief? what if we walked away from a bad day NOT discouraged but charged with belief?

i know little August cried. he had his moments where life got to him, but he never dropped the music, the belief.

i woke up feeling like the "almost" girl. (if i were a super hero my name would be...)

i feel like in just about everything, i either don't get it right, or almost pull it off. wow, that sounds so negative and i truly don't mean to be. i am trying to figure out if these two concepts are related. if my belief in myself, in Him thru me, were stronger- i doubt i would feel like i could write the next "almost girl" comic line.

back to August. music came natural to him. he composed in seconds after learning what notes meant. some of us search our whole life trying to figure out "what comes natural" to us. what a waste. i just don't think it can possibly be that hard to figure out. the hard part is that we keep searching for symphonies instead of accepting that what comes natural may be organizing clothes for the friendship center or reading with expression to a child. i am guilty. aren't symphonies and organizing all the same? finding your gift may be your passion too, but it may not be at first.

i believe God nestles us in nicely when we surrender ourselves. i guess we shouldn't be alarmed if we aren't working with passion because i figure we are still holding on to what we wish were our gift. how silly coming from the almost girl. maybe i should just chunk the almost feeling and grab hold of my pen and write the next symphony. i think that translates for me, prepare my Sunday night lesson for little kids then put another load in the wash. but today i am going to give myself some props- i think i may be onto something.

how's your symphony coming?

I am walking...

2008-04-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

i am walking in the Atlanta 3 Day Walk to raise money for a cure for breast cancer- not big news to my readers but that's what i've been working on a lot lately so i thought i would experiment with my blog and see if any of the people that pass thru here have a story to share about cancer and how it's effected their life.

mom had cancer when i was in the 4th grade. obviously she survived but not without a lot of personal trial. my memories of it all are simple because my parents wanted us to not be worried. looking back as a mom now i assume she was going thru the whole "will i survive and get to raise my kids?!" thing. not easy or simple.

she was in the hospital while my grandparents stayed with me and tony. then she came home with a huge scar on her upper thigh from a skin graft. dad had to tend to it every night and i would painfully watch. the skin was grafted onto a 5 x 5 spot they dug out of her leg where a malignant mole was removed. crazy to say but she was blessed. she was able to catch the melanoma before it spread.

her dad died just shortly after he heard the news he had cancer. he was in his 40's. her mom (mauma) just died of ovarian cancer. i really don't like how cancer has just barged in to our family and sometimes i get a little freaked out because i am of those obvious vulnerable genes.

however, i didn't agree to walk because of all that. i am walking because, well, this is where God has me right now. in this spot, raising money with these people for this awesome cause. next year i hope i might get to be placed here again, but He may have me somewhere else. and that's good too. i am blessed to have a chance to be a part of this effort. i realize there are sooo many efforts out there that are worthy. if you are being pulled and have this on your heart, you can help us reach our goal by clicking on the upper right hand part of the screen.

thanks and pray for a cure! i am curious to see how cancer has effected any of you. let me know if you have a minute. thanks.

spring break, day one...

2008-03-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

thankfully, today we have a project. dying eggs. as you see in the picture above, riley takes some coaxing to get motivated but he comes around (as did his shirt- i think it got twisted when he was doing this number on the floor)

it is interesting to see how your kids react to creative projects.

sadie began by nurturing the one egg that cracked in the boiling process. she carried it around in a napkin until it cooled and colored it pink so it would feel happy.

gates began by creating his annual "earth" egg. it's pretty cool i must admit. he uses markers instead of dye.

riley is in time out as i type because he had a slight nervous breakdown because his "mario" egg didn't take shape. he claims it looks fat...its an egg...creative projects make him an mess.

one down and 9 to go. can't wait till summer!!!

toothfairy business

2008-03-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

she thinks she pulled it herself but it actually fell out in her hand. the day she lost it was also the day of her kindergarten open house. so my baby isn't a baby any more is she?

power...POWER

2008-03-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

Most of you know the last few weeks of my life have been all about the musical "Power".

The Cross Point kids pulled it off and i honestly couldn't be more proud of them. They worked hard and in the end had that "we did it" look on thier face that can't be explained.

But i want to take a minute and be a mom and brag on my babies. I saw an attitude change in Riley, another trait learned in Gates and more flair added to Sadie than I thought possible!

As their mom, I am in love even more and thankful I get to be a part of seeing them develope so upfront and personal. I am blessed to not only have 3 amazing gifts from God but be bonded with some of your gifts too.

winterfest. 2008- know, see, be and share

2008-02-19T05:58:00.000-08:00

this weekend was a force to be reckoned with. you know how Satan hates anything having to do with goodness, spiritual growth and expanding the Kingdom? it was amazing to me to see how ready he was to attack. from personal complications to overall flat out temptations from all around to be selfish and all about me. he even sent pure fear in me. something i don't honestly feel very often. and it was that sickening fear like i forgot for a few minutes that God was in control. take your breath away kind of gross feeling. satan was on his game.

but the awesome testimony is my God reigns. and He brought us over to His side with just one little nod of His head. i can see Jesus now- you know the one i like in jeans and long cool hair. He just cocked His head back one little bit and said "get over here" like in that movie 27 Dresses when the guy who wrote the wedding articles knew what he wanted. Jesus is so awesome -a nod of His head using Jeff Walling and the awesome minds of Winterfest coordinators and thousands of teens and adults were smitten. again.

at the end of the last session we were charged to share Jesus and I saw on faces of teenagers a broken spirit and renewal. it was power. it wasn't just powerful. it was power given straight from God himself to charge them and all of us "grown-ups" who truth be known needed this weekend as much if not more than some of these teens. He charged us to KNOW Him and SEE Him in other people and then BE Him in every interaction and then SHARE Him.

how do you waste your time?

2008-02-10T20:45:00.000-08:00

what i do when i don't want to do what i need to do:

1- flip channels and watch people and think how i should exercise and eat better.
2- watch YouTube videos of video nerds film neat-o stuff and wish i could be that nerdy
3- wii- working on my backhand
4- think about what i would say to people if i could say whatever i wanted to say to them. (don't judge me, you know you do that sometimes)
5- in general, computer habits like overchecking my email or this.

your turn: top five-

let me tell you about my mauma

2008-02-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

this afternoon my daddy called and told me mauma's gone on. we knew it was impending and hoped it was soon so she could go home. i didn't know how i would react honestly. first i told the kids and we shed a few tears but comforted ourselves with knowing she had a new body now.

then we went for ice cream. as i sat there at sonic i thought this was our small, makeshift celebration for her. she would've had orange sherbert. not surprisingly, i needed time to be alone and think and thank God for her passing and He gets to hold her now, not us anymore. still i feel sorry for me. i miss her right now, suddenly wishing i could take her big blue mesh bag of laundry back out to her and run in for a quick hello.

the last few months she and i shared moments that i will take with me till i meet her again. she's given me wisdom and strength in a gentle way. she was sharp as a tack and loved deeply. she had a big loud mouth and a laugh that would scare you. she loved wearing shirts with bright colors and was a huge harley fan. rarely did she miss the waterloo trail of tears, even from her wheelchair! i never knew if it was the motorcycles or men with long hair that drew her interest. she did love to flirt.

i could go on and on about her love for writing little notes to people all over the place. she knew the value of encouragement. she was a big fan of the group picture with her in the exact center of us all. she was also the churchlady that sings soprano too loudly. but she felt it and sang it not considering whether we liked it or not. her boldness is a strength i keep trying to recreate in me.

i missed some opportunities with her. but i know she was also a fan of understanding and forgiving me. she is the first person i have loved and lost in death. an experience i had to write about so i wouldn't forget the rawness of grief.

her butterfly loving self is feeling the wind in her hair now.

baby it's cold out there

2008-01-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

some of my girlfriends have talked me into Facebook. so if any of you have received an invitation from me (or haven't) let me be the first to tell you i don't know what happened when i registered. everybody in my gmail account popped up and there were all these check marks and questions and all these people i am sure would not like to be involved in my life any more than they have to-

i am so afraid i might have asked ron lumpkins to be my friend. not that he wouldn't make an excellent friend. :)

ok so who out there is hot natured? (that's when you prefer to be warmer than colder- right?) it seems we are all one or the other. here's my little realization i had today- bear with me...
in my thankful mode this morning i was pondering what i really liked that i got for Christmas and didn't ask for-

first would have to be my electric blanket. even if it's off, it's warm. i think that may be because it's a blanket but i am still impressed.

second would have to be my monkey socks. i did ask for the monkey house shoes but the socks were a bonus. they now are better than the shoes to me. way to go mark!

next had to be the hair dryer. i didn't ask for this but i did buy it with my Christmas money. it has this cool button you push and it sucks up the cord. apart from the bruises on my hand when it whips around to position- it's the highlight of my day.

and it was then that i realized that the things that made me the most excited this Christmas were things that generated heat. hmmm. let me rephrase that...were things that kept me warm (?)

so i am now realizing my focus is to stay warm. bless my husband who finally broke down and lets me keep the house on a blazing 68 and purchased a heater for our window infested sunroom. i am almost tempted to stay indoors now in order to keep warm.

i realize i would never make it anywhere past north Alabama. i am such a thin skinned pansy i know. but i worry about the weather a lot when i fantasize about the Amazing Race. i know i would get stuck in the "Arctic Edition" and what then?

and then i married the short sleeves in the winter guy in your class that you always wondered if he was cold. as i speak my nose is cold. does anybody have clever ways to stay warm. i can't take this.

The Year in Review

2008-01-07T12:34:00.000-08:00

warning: if you read this you have to do this.
You can blame this person

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? pulled a muscle playing a video game
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i gave up dissappointing myself long ago
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? yes
4. Did anyone close to you die? no
5. What countries did you visit? NA (wake up please)
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? a dance night out with all my friends. bring it on Dance Factory.
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Riley's cut for cancer. A bittersweet moment...i can't get the font to stop italics.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? overcoming bitterness
9. What was your biggest failure? the dissarrayed closets? HA. you know i can't narrow this down
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? still have my old lady back
11. What was the best thing you bought? my elastic waisted cargo pants.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? mine (gooooo me!)
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine
14. Where did most of your money go? i have no idea, probably eating out. gross i know.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? movies with closure. (!) oh and recycling and my sweet children's laughter...
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Crazy by Akon
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer? a. Happier b. fatter see #14 c. see #14
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? practice my guitar
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? whining about how i can't play my guitar
20. Did you fall in love in 2007? does an iPod count?
21. What was your favorite TV program? 24 and House: tie for first then Christine, Chuck and Psych
22. What was the best book you read? Black
23. What was your greatest musical discovery? please. too little time.
24. What did you want and get? a vacation
25. What did you want and not get? a vacation (jk) my car washed more often
26. What was your favorite film of this year? August Rush, Evan Almighty and The Enchanted tie for first
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 34 and i got to play games with my amigos.
28. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? if i had learned to play the guitar
29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? sloppy (and i hate that word too)
30. What kept you sane? God. iTunes and bedtime with the kids.

new years eve

2007-12-31T15:02:00.000-08:00

the kids are spending the night with my parents tonight. they have been gone since 2 pm this afternoon. i have at least 24 hours without kids in my own house. usually we are on a distracting short trip when i am kid-less but for 3 hours now i have wandered around thinking of something that normally i wouldn't do if they were here.

after 2 games of bowling, three matches of tennis, 3 innings of baseball and a round of fitness training here i sit realizing that playing Wii doesn't count. i am pretty sure that gift was for them in the first place. i am sore and my back hurts.

i could go shopping but i am saving up for "Dance Factory". i recently discovered my dream game does exist! or well it will- the release date is TBA. but here's the even more exciting news...up to 16 players! AH! now you can all come over and we can be just like "girls just wanna have fun" or "footloose" or some other 80's movie i watched 20 times.
here's the review:

"Dance Factory lets you use your own music CDs, and choreographs dance moves accordingly."

could this really be? now if i could just get a case to solve between my dance rehearsals my life will be full circle.

Sadie's new camera.

2007-12-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my parents came over for Christmas. Sadie was the gracious receiver of a new Fisher Price Kids Tough camera.

So I just downloaded what she see's as "camera worthy" shots.
It's quite interesting. Here are a few things thru my daughters eyes.

One of the few shots of a human.

Gateses :) plaster friend from this summer.

Gates and Riley's TV center.

Riley playing DS.

One of the three shots of Dora on TV.

Her bed.

One of 11 shots of this Christmas decoration.

Ah, I made the shoot. (note to self, suck in your gut when being photographed)

Riley's dresser.

The corner in the hall.

The chair back.

Our Christmas card tree. Hello to Avery, the Sains, Whit and Sam and McCalls.

I'm not convinced I have the next Dan Glenn but she has been completely entertained. Thanks Nana and Pops!

Spirituality?

2007-12-04T06:08:00.000-08:00

In the Hebrew language there is no word for spiritual. If you would have said to Jesus, "Jesus, how is your spiritual life?" [He would have said,] "What? What do you mean?" Because to label one area as spiritual is to label others areas not spiritual. It's absolutely foreign to the world of the Scriptures. It's absolutely foreign to the worldview of Jesus.

The assumption is that you are a fusion of two realms. And a human being occupies a totally unique place in the entire universe. Everything we do, we do as an integrated being—one hundred percent physical, one hundred percent spiritual. The first Christians latched on to this right away: "Whatever you do in word or in deed, do it in the name of Jesus Christ."
Every act is a spiritual act (Colossians 3:17).

hey blogger friends,

i had to post this Zondervan daily thought. i receive this daily email but i don't always read it, even more often hit delete. it is usually not this insightful.

this suggests (and i agree) that spirituality doesn't exist. we are spirituality, it isn't a part of our life it IS who we are. i am so guilty of asking, how is your "spiritual" life? or "where are you right now spiritually?"

yesterday i gave myself a free day, ever done that? not all day -just the last part. i found myself in Wal-Mart with the kids without a list and very little money. i was frazzled, short on change and patience and no direction in an intersection of carts, there were about five of us all looking for the other one to go first...

sadie kept crawling under the cart and gates and riley were like little gnats that giggled about everything. after three PHONE calls, (i miss the cell-less days) i finally decided i had enough and got in line, only to remember i still didn't have one thing for supper. i then ran into my nemesis Jeanne Foust (you know i love you girl) who was to her credit looking at hamburger helper.

getting past the realization i should go to bed and start my day over i went to the back and got my hot, fresh?, cheapish little supper of bbq chicken. i paid over $3 for a tub of mac and cheese that would have cost me .74 to make. gates kept saying "that's not going to be enough chicken..." i got back in line knowing he was right but saying "if there's any left you are going to eat it even if it makes you sick..." (by the way, we did need it)

finally, 14 hours later i am home unpacking the three bags. hmm. and wishing i hadn't checked my "spirituality" at the door. today i wanted to wake up saturated in that undeniable kind of way but what i met was decisions to be good. decisions to bite my tongue and decisions to put that smile in my step as i got the kids out the door.

so what i came up with is that yes, Jesus didn't have a spiritual life. He was spirituality. And spirituality is a decision He always without fail got right. i fail but to all of our credit going in the right direction is what He wants. pray i keep going in that general direction. thanks for all of you that had pity on me and gave me comments. i feel the love.

...like walking in the rain and the snow...

2007-11-23T12:37:00.000-08:00

i spent all day yesterday and the day before preparing for Thanksgiving. we attend two, and they were not at my house- but i was going to be so prepared so i cooked feverishly (well, for me)

yesterday around 4:30 we are coats on, car packed, side dishes hot and off to Iron City, Tennessee to grandmothers house we go... three hours later, back in the car on the way home, first thing my kids say when they get home ..."i am hungry, what have we got to eat?"

are you kidding me? two days?!! my life has been focused and centered around food, menu's, are there enough vegetables? what about the rolls? does everybody like tea, maybe i should buy sprite for the kids...

today it was the exact same scenario. we were in the house three minutes. "Hey mom, i am hungry, what can i eat?"

maybe it is because i look at their plate during the meal and all they have eaten is one bite of turkey, one bite of pink stuff and 3 ears of corn. (we know what corn is worth to our system).

Sadie is on her third peanut butter spoon. Happy Thanksgiving.

I, on the other hand, woke up at 3:40am this morning from a turkey induced slumber with the black Friday fever theme song playing in my head. ("The Things we do for Love", 10CC). The motivation of thinking i really was in some sort of pretend drama kept me going while i hummed the tune and slid on some warm clothes and headed out.

I am a secret after Thanksgiving shopper lover.

I really didn't get any true bargain unless you count the free mickey mouse 2007 snow globe JCPenny's gave me when i walked in at 4:12am. i was most impressed with my line standing strategy i pulled off this year. i managed to stand less than 10 minutes in any line (i shopped at 6 different locations) i think i may be getting good at something, finally.

2007-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

hello, my name is Gena Killen
and i am in need of comments
because i lack affirmation in my life.

i felt rather empty after my last blog. only two of you, susan and julie, (who are now my two new best friends) relied.
either one of two things are going on:

1- susan and julie are my only two friends
2- susan and julie are the only two friends that read my blog

i am believing there may be a third option that goes something like my friend Caroline admits to: she's a reader but not a commenter. i begged her to enter the world of blogging and she readily admitted to not knowing how to blog (good one caro, i distinctly remember you doing way better than me in school)

i want to believe my friends read my last post and felt bubbly from their toes and it made them crinkle their nose...but i am guessing you read it and went-" uh, yeah right Gena, whatever."
maybe i truly can't communicate well.

sometimes i want to spank everybody and say -"Friends are supposed to be fun! Be thankful we have each other" then i'd have to spank myself and i am not into that.

either way...i will grow some confidence in believing we all love each other and are thankful for each other without the replies.

i am blessed.

2007-11-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

i am in more of a thankful state of mind this year but don't we always go there in November?
of course we do. but this year has been a blessing for me. in so many ways it has been proven to be nothing but. starting out i must say i was still at odds about so much in my life-

then somewhere around mid way my world was rocked a bit and along the way i dropped a lot of bitterness. i could laugh and cry and be thankful and grateful and feel. i looked at my healthy children and their amazing personalities and decided God is in love with me. He really is.

now that i believe that i am blessed. it doesn't really matter what comes my way.

and i have some of the best friends in the world.

this is one of my greatest gifts from God. i am not sure why God said "Gena, you will be blessed with great kids and wonderful friends" but He did.

my friends mesh and morph into family and become rocks for me. and the greatest thing about my friends is that they range from older, wise friends to far away long-time life-long ones. to my right here girls that i know i can't live without and i share most of what makes my life fun with to my truly awesome kids in the 5th and 6th grade make me smile and laugh and truly start my week off right every Sunday. my kid friends are the best.

probably some of my truly awesome friends are reading this and can say i didn't know you loved me so much. but i do. and i plan to tell you personally whenever it isn't awkward you know i need to be cool about it all. so here's to you my friend: my five favorite things about you.

1-you laugh at and with me
2- you pray with and for me
3-you give and take advice
4- you support, affirm and forgive me
5- you have something different about you that makes you unique to me.

this year i experienced Jesus as my best friend. i have a bond with Him now that enriched all my other friendships. His convictions, His passion, the way He wraps his arms around me describes a friendship that is eternal. I am most thankful God opened my eyes to Him in a way i had never seen.
what a year.

Casting Crowns, Somewhere in the Middle

2007-10-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of you have probably heard this song by now,
I haven't heard anyone talking about them, is it just me? The lyrics are awesome- right?
If you can't relate, I want to meet your balanced self.

I admit at first I was denying the whole the in the middle idea thinking i wasn't going to see myself as "strateling the fence" or "lukewarm" for fear of being spit out by God (yeah, i thought this). Then i realized i was thinking too much about these lyrics and needed to consider them for how i am sure they were intended: to help us realize we are a process, always in the works.

"Somewhere In The Middle"

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

2007-09-26T12:06:00.001-07:00

Sadie and Addison!

A rare father and son moment

Sadie signs for Addison Lucy Killen

Sadie gets gifted

Party Time!

Hey! i thought i would share some recent photo's of a busy week!
I can't believe Sadie is FIVE.
Here are some of the things that make her Sadie to me.

1- She thinks words like "humamomma" and "humalachi" are funny.
2- Her favorite thing to do is pack an assortment of items behind our recliner and line them against the wall with a blanket and a pillow from the couch.
3- She thinks she has homework.
4- She says she is going to marry Carson Shepherd.
5- She loves to dress up in a Jasmine costume with a pink and blue hairbow on each side of her head.
6- She watches tv with her feet on the entertainment center just like i used to do.
7- She carries around and "reads" a Magic Treehouse book and calls it her summer reading.
8- She has no personal space.
9- She likes to put her hands on my face and lift my arms when i am talking to adults.
10- She prays everynight for "my brother, my other brother and my sister that's me and Hershey"
11- She loves the songs "Its My Life" and "Sweet Escape"
12- She has serious character voices when she plays pretend. It's quite a show.

2007-09-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

first day of preschool
first day of soccer practice

my little almost 5 year old -she is my best friend these days. i am going to enjoy my time on mon and wed while she's little lambing it up but i will miss her silly self.

2007-08-23T11:48:00.000-07:00

i am slacking. i confess my thoughts are muffled and numb right now. God's there but not top priority. in my mind i am saying "this is the time/phase/place i get to coast along, no really huge trials or pressing problems" but i don't realize the seriousness of the complacency.
scary.

so today i couldn't find the dvd remote. do you ever begin thinking when you are searching for something so insignificant that God really has you searching for something else? i actually cleaned the dvd cabinet and the couch in the process. i found cereal under the cushions that we haven't even bought in this house and a name tag "George" from the Seinfeld party years ago. but i am off track. what i did find was the reason God had that ding dang remote lost in the first place. i knew when i would find this it would be at just the right time i needed to find it. it's been lost a couple of months.
are you dying yet?!
i found my ring. wha. wha. whaaa. after you recover from my anticlimatic discovery, let me explain. it's my "pray without ceasing" ring and i am always aware of it. i mean it was/is the symbol thing i wore to remind me He's there- to not forget to give it all to Him. i was constantly rubbing my thumb over to the pinkie and pushing it back because it always fell off. every time it fell off i would think it was God saying "pick Me back up- you are forgetting i am here"
then i lost it.
now the fact that i lost it didn't symbolize i was lost those of you who are thinking i am taking things all too literally. for the last two months i have been trying to push back a ring that wasn't there. even that motion would make me think to think of Him, until the last few weeks...when the slacking thing started happening.

so then i came over here to the computer and checked my email. i mean... i got straight on my knees and ... ahem. then i clicked on my upmost for His highest daily devo. check this out!

Prayer Choice And Prayer Conflict

“When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and pray to thy Father which is in secret.”
Matthew 6:6

Jesus did not say - Dream about thy Father in secret, but pray to thy Father in secret. Prayer is an effort of will. After we have entered our secret place and have shut the door, the most difficult thing to do is to pray; we cannot get our minds into working order, and the first thing that conflicts is wandering thoughts. The great battle in private prayer is the overcoming of mental wool-gathering. We have to discipline our minds and concentrate on wilful prayer.
We must have a selected place for prayer and when we get there the plague of flies begins - This must be done, and that. "Shut thy door." A secret silence means to shut the door deliberately on emotions and remember God. God is in secret, and He sees us from the secret place; He does not see us as other people see us, or as we see ourselves. When we live in the secret place it becomes impossible for us to doubt God, we become more sure of Him than of anything else. Your Father, Jesus says, is in secret and nowhere else. Enter the secret place, and right in the centre of the common round you find God there all the time. Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless in the first waking moment of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on a wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.

God spoke. i love it when He's so clear with me. i had to share.
Now i am going to pray. really pray. and when you see me ask me if i did. i need some accountability and apparently a little pinkie ring.

2007-08-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

i do have a new post out there. i am a bit tired of the drenched boys at camp myself...
try my new blog if your bored "i have chickenskin" it's silly and selfish and showcases what i think about when i am trying not to think about anything- pray for me this week- it's pretty crazy. love to all. g

a camping we will go...

2007-07-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

who knew?! apparently a lot of people have shared in the church camp experience but this was my first go at it...i am hooked. can't wait till i can buy canteen, swim everyday with 30 other 4-6th grade girls and stay up late and play with the other counselors.

i learned this last week:

1- girls change their clothes and bathe a lot more than boys
2- benny the clown isn't really all that scary after all
3- jeanne foust's sister, vonya has the same voice and heart as jeanne
4- i am a dork about skits
5- don't panic if someone is drowning you
6- you can miss your own child even when they are sitting right next to you
7- i don't miss the pettiness of a 5/6th grade girl
8- sometimes i act like a 5/6th grade girl

9- i need time alone

10- being a children's minister is a complete and total blessing (except during 1/4 changes).

this just scratches the surface...i seriously had a great time. thanks to Jeanne and Amanda for letting me have Hannah and Annsley all week. we made great memories.
enjoy the pics.

my unverbalized thoughts

2007-07-02T14:18:00.000-07:00

after an extensive search for my password and username, i decided to come back here.

i have sortof been stepping out of myself lately and looking back at how i am, how i respond to others, my expressions, my genuiness, my intentions, my motivation, my character...

slowly the Lord has shown me these things:

1- i know to trust God but i don't do the follow thru. example: i know to organize my time and figure in advance the time it takes to find teachers but i don't do the follow thru therefore i am left frustrated. or i know that going to visit my grandmother 20 min. away would be the right thing to do but i come up with excuses to let me off the hook.

my lack of follow thru ends up resulting in a lack of faith really. without faith it's impossible to please Him. ouch.

2- as bad as a day i might have, it could be worse. i will get consumed with a dissagreement and my pride will take over. but getting over these things aren't unmanageable. getting over a losing a loved one or a friend would be much worse. bite the bullet and say i am sorry or give 'em grace, whatever you need to do, do it. you'll be glad you did.

3- enjoy kids. they are floating with spirituality. i can see God in them quicker than anything i try to see God in- and not because of anything i have done but by the simple fact they are children. i see why God says become like them now more than ever. you have to open your eyes to it, but trust me, it's there. and things seem easier when you get how that all works.

ok, so three things for now. God is original in His ways to become alive in us. never underestimate how he's going to show you he is working. he used hollywood this week for me. he actually took morgan freeman and his freckley face and made me love Him more.

go see evan almighty with your kids, watch their faces while they laugh. then give someone forgiveness you've been denying, even if they live 20 min. away.

cuts for cancer

2007-05-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

no more fights about wet hair at bedtime, no more tangles in the morning. i now reap the benefits of having a son with boy hair (at least one son with boy hair now :)

"Cuts for Cancer" will be receiving a package of long red curly hair in the mail very soon. much to mars hill and my grandparents approval!

ahh...April 2

2007-04-02T15:17:00.000-07:00

today was a breath of fresh air.

i actually relaxed.

i didn't have a single thought of what prop was missing or what i was going to do tonight when my son picked his nose on stage- again

i got out my foot massager/ soaker thingie and gave myself a pedicure and manicure. who knew 2nd and 4th grade boys had such intrest in soaking their feet? i did get a turn and it was fabulous.

i had to share a picture or two of my life the past couple of months.

the first is from a video i made for our "sunday night lights" class- taken spring break, una -by trina. aren't they awesome. they are demonstrating ways to focus in prayer.

second- my kiddo's with the bunny, the bunny, oh, they love the bunny

third- last night...the finale. it was super fun those Donkey Tales.

2007-03-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

jim, thank you for seeming interested in my thoughts. i actually became interested in my blog again after watching an episode of scrubs last Thurs. night where JD and Cox refer to JD's blog. i knew we were connected :)

i don't know. i miss keeping up with this crazy thing and hearing from all of you. you know this open dialogue is easy but it screws with my head a little too. you know there are people reading this that you never know they are. i am not talking about strangers even. i mean our friends! not those of us who are in the blog circle and choose not to comment either...those who lurk over the blog circle and never say a word. ahh! maybe i am insecure. i am a little vulnerable about who i am all too often.

let me just leave you all with something light...i am going to download a clip of scrubs.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to link you to my latest pictures of my kiddo's.

"My Three Redheads" and "More of My Three Redheads" (flickr.com)

Hope everybody is having a great new year so far!

mine rocks-

thank you.

2006-11-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

hey friends.

i really don't know who reads anymore...i used to keep track of it with the handy sitemeter and then decided i cared too much about that and let my tracking system go. isn't it silly the things we "get all in to"? but today i must say i am thankful for you. my friends. it seems like the reality of thanksgiving rolled around a little slow for me this year but after my last post i have felt your friendship and also not so alone in my confessions. i get why God said to be there for each other. i think i am an extreme person, or can be at times. i had decided in my mind i was depending on friends too much... and i was, sorry to those who know who you are. and so instead of being wise and discerning... i shut up completely. not wise.
we need each other.

amy, i love you and how you know me and all my stuff and love me anyway. you listen like no other and i feel safe in you. God uses you with me all too often. thank you for always pointing me to Him. i pray that everyone could have a friend like amy. i love her exactly for who she is and for what God is doing with her. and amy i can't wait to see what He has in store for you-He's here and more is coming!

Psalms 16:13
And these God-chosen lives all around— what splendid friends they make!

and just a little something i forgot and had to relearn recently...
keep it light.
i think i may have started this blog asking for all you to pray for me to keep it light and now i plan to leave this blog asking all of you to remind me to keep it light. you have been fun for me- an outlet i needed. now off to something different for now. much love to all of you.

dry lands and Luke

2006-11-26T12:27:00.000-08:00

i have been in somewhat of a spiritual dry lands lately. uninspired and very passive about too many things. not a good place to be. but God showed me something noteworthy the last two nights i tucked the kids in bed...

i wasn't in the mood at all to be spiritual much less teach. i didn't even feel worthy of reading to them considering the day i had. but God had mercy. he sent me to a scripture that lets just say "broke me" my cold heart warmed up just a bit...

the next night, after a day of going from ok to bad to worse again i sat with the kids ready or i should say not ready for another night of reading and prayer. i chose what i thought was something safe...the gospels. i knew the lessons Jesus taught too well. He wasn't going to break me tonight...i was just going to read and get on with my again cold heart. but God had something better in mind. He took me to Luke 11. i began thinking Jesus is teaching the guys about prayer, safe enough... i know about prayer, right?

so now again i sit crying, realizing two nights in a row God has been trying to get my attention while i have been determined with my sour, displaced attitude. i heard Him with so much force i had hope. it sounds a little silly but when you are in a bad place, hope makes you laugh. you could care less because your faith in thin. surely you have been here.

so i tried what this scripture suggests and i prayed. not the way i had been. the one's i had been offering were so emotionless and lacked spirit and heart. this prayer was my first prayer of faith -of true faith in days. i was direct with God, not wistful. and today i have this confession and vision again. i am coming out from the covers and more thankful than i have been all thru the past week of -dare i admit, thanksgiving.

i want to encourage anybody who is reading that may be in the dry lands to keep on reading the words from Jesus below. don't give up. don't underestimate God. just ask.
Luke 11...the message.

Ask for What You Need

1 One day he was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said, "Master, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples." 2-4So he said, "When you pray, say,

Father,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil."

5-6Then he said, "Imagine what would happen if you went to a friend in the middle of the night and said, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread. An old friend traveling through just showed up, and I don't have a thing on hand.'

7"The friend answers from his bed, 'Don't bother me. The door's locked; my children are all down for the night; I can't get up to give you anything.'

8"But let me tell you, even if he won't get up because he's a friend, if you stand your ground, knocking and waking all the neighbors, he'll finally get up and get you whatever you need.

9"Here's what I'm saying:

Ask and you'll get;
Seek and you'll find;
Knock and the door will open.

10-13"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing—you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?"

2006-11-14T13:42:00.000-08:00

hey everybody.
does anybody ever get tired of themself?
i think i am tired of me, i am getting on my own nerves.
i have no funny story-
nothing clever to write-
nothing is pressing me
and i am mad about my secondary spiritual gift (hospitality!?!)
so much that all this adds up to the fact i am tired of being me.
i usually like who i am, not in a huge kind of way and i kNoW i have lots of personality flaws but today all i see if the parts of me that i dislike. like how i felt when i put on that sea green shirt under my brown short sleeved shirt and thought it was cute.
and it wasn't. a decision i made after i got home that day...

i am not needing a pep talk either. what anyone else thinks about me doesn't matter. it's my opinion i am concerned about.

please someone admit they feel my pain and have been here.
and please someone tell me that hospitality doesn't mean fru-fru, tea cakes and fake smiles.
is that really me?! no, don't tell me. ok tell me.

mario, puppy and luigi

2006-11-07T11:44:00.000-08:00

i wash their clothes
i comb their hair
i make their lunch
i make socks pair

i hold their hands
i read them stories
i teach them God
and all His glory

i make their hands
form church to steeple
i watch their minds
grow into people

i listen dutifully
to many complaints
i guide their minds
using some restraints

i see their smile
i hear their laugh
i see the joy
You put in my path

i ground
i spank
i fight
i thank

our God in heaven
for these joys
coming from my girl
and two crazy boys

2006-11-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

Hahaha

can you watch this without laughing?

my latest compromise

2006-11-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

bathtime has been challenging. our latest two fits of rage have been around this event. i lured my sugar loving baby in the tub with none other than a spoon of marshmellow cream tonight. she could not have been more willing and happy to oblidge...

some may think this isn't too bright. we could go in circles about bribing and sugar and, and, and....but i have a (fairly) calm, clean child right now. and i am loving that.

2006-10-31T07:13:00.000-08:00

Click Here for recent pictures of the killen kids.

2006-10-30T11:58:00.000-08:00

please know that because i am posting this, i am NOT in any way taking this lightly- as some of you know, sadie has given way to what we southerners call "fits"...and i am at a loss. i have tried every emotion with her (anger, being calm, ignoring, spanking, time-out) and analyzed every thing on the way up to the fit (tired, hungry, been around the boys too much, my moods) there seems to be no common denominator except she demands attention pretty much all the time and she may be giving it her best shot with these tantrums. i just don't know what to do when it happens. i feel helpless and ignorant and like a very bad parent.

i know this isn't healthy for any of us. i am crazy, sad and feeling left like i am not good at my purpose. i love her and am soooo crazy about her but lately she is just driving me crazy.

please pray for my parenting, my sanity and Sadie...

2006-10-22T21:44:00.000-07:00

All i want for Christmas

all i want for Christmas...

2006-10-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

click the above video and listen while you read. there's nothing like a little holiday music to get you in the mood. i know Christmas is about giving but we all have something we want right? something we keep saying, "Well, i'll just wait till Christmas for that"

so what is it?
list your top two...

mine are:
a music card and a charger for my phone
i-tunes bucks

the movie "step up" just might be next because i just rolled in from seeing it and am still on a high-i LoVeD it.
i think i am going to ditch aerobics and seriously consider a dance routine.
you think Cross Point would have a dance class? you never know...

P.E. Program

2006-10-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

amy...
this is my son's teacher watching with diligence the Mars Hill PE program.
is she not the best????
thank you amy for teaching gates and being an amazing friend and example.

PE Program...You may or may not be interested in hearing about what i consider one of the cutest things MH elementary puts out thanks to our own Coach Denise. I will spare you the details of how cute my kids were and focus on yours. Chandler, Danna, Eric and Olivia, Abby and Hannah, Annsley and Ann Marie, Macy Wallace and Wright and about 50 other Cross Point kids were in there looking as awesome as ever, shaking their stuff to the beat.
I had one of those smiles that made my face hurt. One of those moments you thank God for-

my insi(RED) moment

2006-10-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

i know a few of you know about "My Upmost for His Highest"- oswald chambers. he is a spiritually deep writer and i am blessed to have a link to him on my "to do" page that i check in on everyday.

i have to share today's thoughts. it -took a load off- so to say. one of those things that make you feel lighter, less burdened and less in control. a fantastic feeling. if you want to read the whole thing in context link to Heartlight.org

"We are taken up with active work while people all round are ripe to harvest, and we do not reap one of them, but waste our Lord's time in over-energized activities. Suppose the crisis comes in your father's life, in your brother's life, are you there as a labourer to reap the harvest for Jesus Christ? "Oh, but I have a special work to do!" No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ's own, one who is not above his Master, one who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls to no special work: He calls to Himself. "Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer circumstances and thrust you out.

i think i am left feeling like this
"what the crap have i been trying to do here?!?!"

God has me. Praise God. So do any of you ever feel like you are trying to find your place, your purpose?

This says chill out. Live like Him -for Him -and because of Him.

Maybe that should be the question instead of finding our purpose is finding our reason.

I'm sorry. You all have probably discovered this on day 4 or 5 of your spiritual journey, i am just having an ah-ha moment about something that is obvious...ever have those days?
Forgive me if i randomly post 1 Cor. 13 again. i am inspi(RED).

what i hate is...

2006-10-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

i am setting here at 10:52 on a thursday night questioning myself and how i spend my free time -as i was drying my hair tonight i realized that drying my hair was the single thing i hate to do the most. second is applying mascara. ironically God gave me curly hair that i seem to think must be dryed straight in order to be presentable and red eyelashes...

blogging is funny. it's just out there, talking with everyone but you never know who exactly and why they read or what intrests them- i know that pictures of hair dryers and hearing about how i hate to get ready can't possibly be worthy of any one person's time. why do we do this??
can i just solict comments here... i want to know what of your every day stuff that you have to do -do you HaTe to do? (i don't feel like rewording that)

fall break! "Lost" and OpRaH

2006-10-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

(i have to share this picture that makes me laugh out loud. sadie has on those crazy google eye glasses and wanted to be in this picture with the lovely Dalton and Olivia but just couldn't commit.)

i woke up this morning and all of my children are playing together. not fighting and even helping each other. life seemed a little surreal. i laid in bed listening. i didn't think about what all i had to do this morning or how quickly i needed to get breakfast ready and kids out the door...i just listened. it was beautiful.

i then got up and greeted them for the day and made myself a large glass of my best sweet tea and turned on some oprah. she was talking with a woman that "snapped" , got in her car and drove 90 mph to the nearest bridge and jumped. obviously, unsuccesful because O was interviewing her. she went on to write a book "why i jumped". i have so many questions about this...so she wants to end her life and couldn't even do that right and comes out of depression (which is GriPpInG) and writes a book and gets on the Oprah show. God is so big is all i know. and it helped that she had footage of her attempt.

today i leave at 3 pm for zoe. last minute decision but i feel God lead. please pray for sadie especially, we were up some last night with her coughing. while your praying please also lift the student ministries. Pray i can be a better, more focused leader- with the spiritual developement of our kids as the vision...this is going to be my focus this weekend.

and i can't post without mentioning "Lost". last night mark, wes, erin and myself were literally on the edge of our seats sharing in the excitement of season three, episode one. i felt a little like i was awaiting something much bigger than the coming of sawyer, kate and jack. it was a little convicting... i am sorry for my over zelous addiction. but however somewhat satisfied with what few questions that were answered. i just needed a little more sayid...

2006-10-04T23:49:00.002-07:00

Free Hugs Campaign (music by sick puppies)

2006-10-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

The Supreme Excellency of Love

Blowers's Daughter...Damien Rice

Oh, Mama (Funny)

2006-10-02T12:30:00.000-07:00


what i need to be doing instead of blogging all these videos

meChurch

2006-10-02T12:15:00.000-07:00


sounds nice...

but do you LoVe...?

2006-09-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

i know you may not have the same reaction as i did when i read this familiar chapter but it hit me hard.
its asking us where our heart is.
of course you have read it and of course from the message but God spoke to me in a way i had to put it here and showcase this beauty of His.

1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.

3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!..(this makes me so anxious to see Him)

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God,

hope unswervingly,

love extravagantly.

And the best of the three is love.

SaDiE

2006-09-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

sadie was four yesterday and i started the day staring at her while she slept. there she was with her messy hair, laying sideways with her whole life in front of her.

four years ago she was put on my chest, screaming her little red self out. she was mine. my little girl, my new friend. i just didn't deserve that. and yet God thought he'd give me and her a whirl and here we are four years later and looking around i think she and i are doing ok...if i could just teach her how to sit like a lady...

for her birthday, she was slathered with beads, combs, nail polish, clips, floam, sand, clothes, work-out videos and all the things that make sadie's world go round. and i am crazy about her and all her girl stuff.

update...

2006-09-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

as of yesterday-

"...and i let go and off he went..."

he got it! riley rocks ;)

2006-09-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Held

Natalie Grant

mY fEaTuReD fRiEnD

2006-09-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

amanda brewer: (sorry no picture available)
lucky me got to spend some time with amanda lately- here's what i came up with:

a...she tries to be the best mother she was made to be. she seems to get Ps. 127: "Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD." because she lives that way. my favorite thing about her.

2-she loves to laugh: i rarely see her without a smile. she seems happy because she is and she tells her face.

tres: she knows she worries and she tries not to: ShE OvErCoMeS- so she stays real to me but she gets past her fears or tries her best to-

d) she is full of compassion (my close to first second favorite thing)- she has a heart full of helping and giving and loving-(prob. why she makes for a good mom.)

5; she casts very little judgement- thru her trials she has learned better. and she is just who she is and doesn't put who she thinks she should be on others either. pure in heart.

kudos to amanda. i think you are da bomb. ;)

riley's ride

2006-09-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

here's todays big new for me. riley announces his parents haven't taught him to ride a bike. being the conformist and now embarrised parent i am -i get myself outside and make him learn on his cousins purple flower bike. he loves this already...

have you met riley? if not, he has the drama of a jr. high girl tucked away in which he pulls out whenever he is tired, hurt or frustrated. with all three in play we were well on our way to disaster.

he peddled as i ran beside him, flip flops and all in this crazy awkward position- i would try to cushion each fall by holding on to any part of his person. finally i decided to do the tough love thing and let him fall so he wouldn't be so afraid to fall. the cute little purple handle bar goes right into his personal parts that i don't understand...
more drama-
finally i am chanting peddle, peddle over and over and am able to let go and just hold the seat...
after more crashes and more drama i wish this story ended in "and i let go and off he went..."

but not so. i am sore. he is bruised and i will pray for better luck tomorrow. the awesome thing about riley is that he is still good to go. this didn't bruise his ego or pride in the slightest. he went in, drank a sprite and was ready for his next adventure which i think included organizing his playstation games- hmmm....

maybe these pics will show you a little bit of our adventure. he liked to take "breaks" -see above picture mule gazing.

my featured friend...

2006-09-07T06:33:00.000-07:00

people impress me.

i like to consider their strengths that stand out -especially the ones that i am weak in or just want to be like- i think i might make "my featured friend" a blogging habit. a fresh word about yourself goes a long way and we need to build each other up!mY feAtUrEd FrIeNd... Shannan Bridges

5 qualities that make her like HIM to me:

*her mind is on her Maker... Her latest discovery of how to improve herself or her mindset in order to be more like Him is always what brings light in her eyes. my favorite thing about her.

*she loves to laugh. she is all about a good time. she somehow can pull this off without speaking bad about one person. a rarity. my close second favorite thing about her.

*she does what she believes. she doesn't talk about how she should or when would be a good time to start. she just goes for it.

*she can cook like nobody's business. have you seen her in action? have you seen a pampered chef show by shannan? it's entertainment.

*she lives lightly. she doesn't take life too seriously. she can get serious and be there and live in a serious way...but she has learned the fine art of enjoying life.

of course i could go on... shannan i love you! i love your family and your sister and i miss you and your spirit at cross point.

i know we all aren't perfect, i am not holding her up there with God.
i just think i should look around more often and see the good stuff.

grasshoppers and getting older

2006-09-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

i woke up yesterday morning in pain. every muscle made me feel twice my age. i was swollen- and my hair...even though i tried, just didn't happen- (i know its fried, i wish my friends would just say something already) -my face was gross. i had some crazy combination skin going on like i am 14. after squeezing into my pants i was officially depressed with my appearance.

the day continued on with many mishaps of forgetfullness. i forgot a lunch date, i left a flyer in the printer at home in which i had made for someone i had promised to have to Wed...(it was Friday) i forgot completely to work at school (it was my day) i also couldn't remember words. conversations with me were a joke. WoRdS!...simple ones like "grill" and "ms smith" even our dogs name. i am not hungover or taking anything besides my vitamins that ironically are supposed to be bringing clarity...

however-i managed to have fun last night. amy b and i celebrated jana h birthday with shannan. Big surprise at carrabba's, a little cold stone creamery, add some target and we had people telling us we were having too much fun.
funny how a day can be flipt...

on the way home a grasshopper lasted from madison to my driveway
holding on to amy's hood...
perseverance-
now if a grasshopper can make it with 70 mile an hour winds, i think i might can get up with a smile on today and maybe -just maybe- i can trust that it won't matter so much what i look like, how i feel or even what i can remember- except that God is good and i am thankful...and hope for more laughter thru it all...

I Corinthians 13:7

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

2006-08-28T21:07:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy in 15 seconds

take a load off Gina...
you are in my prayers.
love you!

2006-08-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

i read this to the kids tonight: amazing verses for just daily living-

Galations 6: msg.

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

4-5Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

i love "live creatively friends" leave it to eugene...
and that part about saving our critical comments to ourselves...wow.
and the part "if you think you are too good for that (sharing burdens) you are sorely deceived". PoW! (can you tell which parts fell on my ears just right?)

Pray for Gina- she's having LiAm soon, very soon. Maybe NoW!

my three redheads

2006-08-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

Kym and Holly, here are my crazies as i lovingly refer to them...now i need some shots of your babes girls. Mine are the ones with red hair and goggles mostly. (Sadie is a goggle freak.)
(click on "my crazies" for more pictures)

the fire...

2006-08-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

last night i worked diligently on the application and still am no where near finished. thank you for the responses- i am somehow brought to a little better understanding of what to put by what you guys are willing to say about me...
i think you were all being nice and i figure all of you had at least 3 grumpy adjectives you could have shared. i really wish you would have, it looks as if i was calling everyone to build me up and that this a.race app. was a big front. i may be that insecure however that was not my intentions.
sooo...this week has been very much a walk thru the fire for me. i can't really explain other than a series of unfortunate events. i am proud to say God is working in me. my attitude has been on a rollar coaster and my heart on my sleeve but i am working on being more even and presentable.
today i am hanging on this verse: 1 peter 1:7

Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. They will show that you will be given praise and honor and glory when Jesus Christ returns.

and this song:

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

i want this kind of spirit.

and holly i am working on posting some pics of the kids...

questions for you...

2006-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

so i am on my bi-yearly "i have to run the Amazing Race" kick- the good news is, this time i have gotten my application BeFoRe they quit taking them...season 10- i know this is bizarre and just silly to some buy i really want to run this thing.
seriously. i need your prayers. HoWeVeR...there are some tough questions i am not sure of and who better to ask than my friends, right?

i am not trying to lose friends here but i would like your complete honesty. I am a big girl. If the answer is too much and you can't comment here, let me know somewhere when no one is "listening" (apparently i am expecting the worse from you guys)
so Shannan, Cortnie, Trina- you guys who read and never say anything, its time. i need your voice. this is important information that you are offering.
ok -enough drama...here's what i need the answers for-

1..."What famous person reminds you of yourself?"

2..."List 3 adjectives that best describe yourself"

(i have no idea on the first one and the second i am wierded out about describing myself)

now i need to know how YoU would answer these questions:

3..."Are there any locations in the world to which you absolutely will not travel?" if so identify where and why
4..."What part of the world is the least interesting to you and why?"

(these are hard for me to answer because i just don't know enough about the "world" to know if there is a place i don't want t0 go, other than the places we are in war with..)

ThAnK YoU for your time.

2006-08-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

So it's Saturday, the kids are classically watching cartoons and sporatically eating. I am checking email and blogs. We are about to go swimming i think, well after i do something productive so i won't feel useless...i just ran into a blog from Krista's, "Kelly"-a woman from 7 mile who loves Zoe and pictures and God. Where's Trina? :)

It just made me think about how awesome it would be if we could befriend our fellowship. Kanisha J. and i had a funny conversation about how in the coc we tend to seclude ourselves and murmer and complain about EaCh OtHeR...silly. She grew up under a different "umbrella" of beliefs and you guys know her light-hearted nature, she laughs at us. I have to laugh or i'll cry.

I wish things were different. I like to sit around and think-it's not me who has so much trouble with this, it's the other churches...but its me too. I am used to our style of everything, i am looking forward to changes...ok, enough-

It just all circles back around to my attitude. I want the right one, the attitude that sees the big picture and see's us all at a place of learning and figuring out. Not one person is up here because of this and down here because of that. AHHHH! Please pray for mine. God is AlWaYs working on it.

So let's worship tomorrow. Think about GOD. His nature, His power. How He delivers and rescues and disciplines all rolled into One. He rocks. Clear your head. Clear your mind of all the junk that makes you critical and gross. I know i will have to- now I can't wait...

cell from hell

2006-08-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

has everyone seen the phone i have been carrying around? it's cracked, we heard about that and now the little "pad" on the back has fallen off, slowly, leaving a sticky mess on my hands-
so i have been doing a little research and discovered this really cool phone that i am now craving...chocolate- today i found out it can Be MiNe...for a fraction of the retail price (heard that promise before?)
The cell phone world makes me laugh- you can actually get PaId to own their phones when you do the rebate thing- so hopefully on Monday (some contract has to run out) i can own me some chocolate. (and maybe by Christmas i can save up the $ to buy the gadgets that make it super cool)

2006-08-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

LG KG800 Chocolate video 1

everybody loves chocolate