Spirituality?

In the Hebrew language there is no word for spiritual. If you would have said to Jesus, "Jesus, how is your spiritual life?" [He would have said,] "What? What do you mean?" Because to label one area as spiritual is to label others areas not spiritual. It's absolutely foreign to the world of the Scriptures. It's absolutely foreign to the worldview of Jesus. The assumption is that you are a fusion of two realms. And a human being occupies a totally unique place in the entire universe. Everything we do, we do as an integrated being—one hundred percent physical, one hundred percent spiritual. The first Christians latched on to this right away: "Whatever you do in word or in deed, do it in the name of Jesus Christ." Every act is a spiritual act (Colossians 3:17). hey blogger friends, i had to post this Zondervan daily thought. i receive this daily email but i don't always read it, even more often hit delete. it is usually not this insightful. this suggests (and i agree) that spirituality doesn't exist. we are spirituality, it isn't a part of our life it IS who we are. i am so guilty of asking, how is your "spiritual" life? or "where are you right now spiritually?" yesterday i gave myself a free day, ever done that? not all day -just the last part. i found myself in Wal-Mart with the kids without a list and very little money. i was frazzled, short on change and patience and no direction in an intersection of carts, there were about five of us all looking for the other one to go first... sadie kept crawling under the cart and gates and riley were like little gnats that giggled about everything. after three PHONE calls, (i miss the cell-less days) i finally decided i had enough and got in line, only to remember i still didn't have one thing for supper. i then ran into my nemesis Jeanne Foust (you know i love you girl) who was to her credit looking at hamburger helper. getting past the realization i should go to bed and start my day over i went to the back and got my hot, fresh?, cheapish little supper of bbq chicken. i paid over $3 for a tub of mac and cheese that would have cost me .74 to make. gates kept saying "that's not going to be enough chicken..." i got back in line knowing he was right but saying "if there's any left you are going to eat it even if it makes you sick..." (by the way, we did need it) finally, 14 hours later i am home unpacking the three bags. hmm. and wishing i hadn't checked my "spirituality" at the door. today i wanted to wake up saturated in that undeniable kind of way but what i met was decisions to be good. decisions to bite my tongue and decisions to put that smile in my step as i got the kids out the door. so what i came up with is that yes, Jesus didn't have a spiritual life. He was spirituality. And spirituality is a decision He always without fail got right. i fail but to all of our credit going in the right direction is what He wants. pray i keep going in that general direction. thanks for all of you that had pity on me and gave me comments. i feel the love.

...like walking in the rain and the snow...

i spent all day yesterday and the day before preparing for Thanksgiving. we attend two, and they were not at my house- but i was going to be so prepared so i cooked feverishly (well, for me)

yesterday around 4:30 we are coats on, car packed, side dishes hot and off to Iron City, Tennessee to grandmothers house we go... three hours later, back in the car on the way home, first thing my kids say when they get home ..."i am hungry, what have we got to eat?"

are you kidding me? two days?!! my life has been focused and centered around food, menu's, are there enough vegetables? what about the rolls? does everybody like tea, maybe i should buy sprite for the kids...

today it was the exact same scenario. we were in the house three minutes. "Hey mom, i am hungry, what can i eat?"

maybe it is because i look at their plate during the meal and all they have eaten is one bite of turkey, one bite of pink stuff and 3 ears of corn. (we know what corn is worth to our system).

Sadie is on her third peanut butter spoon. Happy Thanksgiving.

I, on the other hand, woke up at 3:40am this morning from a turkey induced slumber with the black Friday fever theme song playing in my head. ("The Things we do for Love", 10CC). The motivation of thinking i really was in some sort of pretend drama kept me going while i hummed the tune and slid on some warm clothes and headed out.

I am a secret after Thanksgiving shopper lover.

I really didn't get any true bargain unless you count the free mickey mouse 2007 snow globe JCPenny's gave me when i walked in at 4:12am. i was most impressed with my line standing strategy i pulled off this year. i managed to stand less than 10 minutes in any line (i shopped at 6 different locations) i think i may be getting good at something, finally.

hello, my name is Gena Killen
and i am in need of comments
because i lack affirmation in my life.

i felt rather empty after my last blog. only two of you, susan and julie, (who are now my two new best friends) relied.
either one of two things are going on:

1- susan and julie are my only two friends
2- susan and julie are the only two friends that read my blog

i am believing there may be a third option that goes something like my friend Caroline admits to: she's a reader but not a commenter. i begged her to enter the world of blogging and she readily admitted to not knowing how to blog (good one caro, i distinctly remember you doing way better than me in school)

i want to believe my friends read my last post and felt bubbly from their toes and it made them crinkle their nose...but i am guessing you read it and went-" uh, yeah right Gena, whatever."
maybe i truly can't communicate well.

sometimes i want to spank everybody and say -"Friends are supposed to be fun! Be thankful we have each other" then i'd have to spank myself and i am not into that.

either way...i will grow some confidence in believing we all love each other and are thankful for each other without the replies.

i am blessed.

i am in more of a thankful state of mind this year but don't we always go there in November?
of course we do. but this year has been a blessing for me. in so many ways it has been proven to be nothing but. starting out i must say i was still at odds about so much in my life-

then somewhere around mid way my world was rocked a bit and along the way i dropped a lot of bitterness. i could laugh and cry and be thankful and grateful and feel. i looked at my healthy children and their amazing personalities and decided God is in love with me. He really is.

now that i believe that i am blessed. it doesn't really matter what comes my way.

and i have some of the best friends in the world.

this is one of my greatest gifts from God. i am not sure why God said "Gena, you will be blessed with great kids and wonderful friends" but He did.

my friends mesh and morph into family and become rocks for me. and the greatest thing about my friends is that they range from older, wise friends to far away long-time life-long ones. to my right here girls that i know i can't live without and i share most of what makes my life fun with to my truly awesome kids in the 5th and 6th grade make me smile and laugh and truly start my week off right every Sunday. my kid friends are the best.

probably some of my truly awesome friends are reading this and can say i didn't know you loved me so much. but i do. and i plan to tell you personally whenever it isn't awkward you know i need to be cool about it all. so here's to you my friend: my five favorite things about you.

1-you laugh at and with me
2- you pray with and for me
3-you give and take advice
4- you support, affirm and forgive me
5- you have something different about you that makes you unique to me.

this year i experienced Jesus as my best friend. i have a bond with Him now that enriched all my other friendships. His convictions, His passion, the way He wraps his arms around me describes a friendship that is eternal. I am most thankful God opened my eyes to Him in a way i had never seen.
what a year.

Casting Crowns, Somewhere in the Middle

I know a lot of you have probably heard this song by now,
I haven't heard anyone talking about them, is it just me? The lyrics are awesome- right?
If you can't relate, I want to meet your balanced self.

I admit at first I was denying the whole the in the middle idea thinking i wasn't going to see myself as "strateling the fence" or "lukewarm" for fear of being spit out by God (yeah, i thought this). Then i realized i was thinking too much about these lyrics and needed to consider them for how i am sure they were intended: to help us realize we are a process, always in the works.

"Somewhere In The Middle"

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Sadie and Addison!

A rare father and son moment

Sadie signs for Addison Lucy Killen

Sadie gets gifted

Party Time!

Hey! i thought i would share some recent photo's of a busy week!
I can't believe Sadie is FIVE.
Here are some of the things that make her Sadie to me.

1- She thinks words like "humamomma" and "humalachi" are funny.
2- Her favorite thing to do is pack an assortment of items behind our recliner and line them against the wall with a blanket and a pillow from the couch.
3- She thinks she has homework.
4- She says she is going to marry Carson Shepherd.
5- She loves to dress up in a Jasmine costume with a pink and blue hairbow on each side of her head.
6- She watches tv with her feet on the entertainment center just like i used to do.
7- She carries around and "reads" a Magic Treehouse book and calls it her summer reading.
8- She has no personal space.
9- She likes to put her hands on my face and lift my arms when i am talking to adults.
10- She prays everynight for "my brother, my other brother and my sister that's me and Hershey"
11- She loves the songs "Its My Life" and "Sweet Escape"
12- She has serious character voices when she plays pretend. It's quite a show.

first day of preschool
first day of soccer practice

my little almost 5 year old -she is my best friend these days. i am going to enjoy my time on mon and wed while she's little lambing it up but i will miss her silly self.

i am slacking. i confess my thoughts are muffled and numb right now. God's there but not top priority. in my mind i am saying "this is the time/phase/place i get to coast along, no really huge trials or pressing problems" but i don't realize the seriousness of the complacency.
scary.

so today i couldn't find the dvd remote. do you ever begin thinking when you are searching for something so insignificant that God really has you searching for something else? i actually cleaned the dvd cabinet and the couch in the process. i found cereal under the cushions that we haven't even bought in this house and a name tag "George" from the Seinfeld party years ago. but i am off track. what i did find was the reason God had that ding dang remote lost in the first place. i knew when i would find this it would be at just the right time i needed to find it. it's been lost a couple of months.
are you dying yet?!
i found my ring. wha. wha. whaaa. after you recover from my anticlimatic discovery, let me explain. it's my "pray without ceasing" ring and i am always aware of it. i mean it was/is the symbol thing i wore to remind me He's there- to not forget to give it all to Him. i was constantly rubbing my thumb over to the pinkie and pushing it back because it always fell off. every time it fell off i would think it was God saying "pick Me back up- you are forgetting i am here"
then i lost it.
now the fact that i lost it didn't symbolize i was lost those of you who are thinking i am taking things all too literally. for the last two months i have been trying to push back a ring that wasn't there. even that motion would make me think to think of Him, until the last few weeks...when the slacking thing started happening.

so then i came over here to the computer and checked my email. i mean... i got straight on my knees and ... ahem. then i clicked on my upmost for His highest daily devo. check this out!

Prayer Choice And Prayer Conflict

“When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and pray to thy Father which is in secret.” Matthew 6:6

Jesus did not say - Dream about thy Father in secret, but pray to thy Father in secret. Prayer is an effort of will. After we have entered our secret place and have shut the door, the most difficult thing to do is to pray; we cannot get our minds into working order, and the first thing that conflicts is wandering thoughts. The great battle in private prayer is the overcoming of mental wool-gathering. We have to discipline our minds and concentrate on wilful prayer.

We must have a selected place for prayer and when we get there the plague of flies begins - This must be done, and that. "Shut thy door." A secret silence means to shut the door deliberately on emotions and remember God. God is in secret, and He sees us from the secret place; He does not see us as other people see us, or as we see ourselves. When we live in the secret place it becomes impossible for us to doubt God, we become more sure of Him than of anything else. Your Father, Jesus says, is in secret and nowhere else. Enter the secret place, and right in the centre of the common round you find God there all the time. Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless in the first waking moment of the day you learn to fling the door wide back and let God in, you will work on a wrong level all day; but swing the door wide open and pray to your Father in secret, and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.

God spoke. i love it when He's so clear with me. i had to share.
Now i am going to pray. really pray. and when you see me ask me if i did. i need some accountability and apparently a little pinkie ring.

i do have a new post out there. i am a bit tired of the drenched boys at camp myself...
try my new blog if your bored "i have chickenskin" it's silly and selfish and showcases what i think about when i am trying not to think about anything- pray for me this week- it's pretty crazy. love to all. g

a camping we will go...

who knew?! apparently a lot of people have shared in the church camp experience but this was my first go at it...i am hooked. can't wait till i can buy canteen, swim everyday with 30 other 4-6th grade girls and stay up late and play with the other counselors.

i learned this last week:

1- girls change their clothes and bathe a lot more than boys
2- benny the clown isn't really all that scary after all
3- jeanne foust's sister, vonya has the same voice and heart as jeanne
4- i am a dork about skits
5- don't panic if someone is drowning you
6- you can miss your own child even when they are sitting right next to you
7- i don't miss the pettiness of a 5/6th grade girl
8- sometimes i act like a 5/6th grade girl

9- i need time alone

10- being a children's minister is a complete and total blessing (except during 1/4 changes).


this just scratches the surface...i seriously had a great time. thanks to Jeanne and Amanda for letting me have Hannah and Annsley all week. we made great memories.
enjoy the pics.

my unverbalized thoughts

after an extensive search for my password and username, i decided to come back here.

i have sortof been stepping out of myself lately and looking back at how i am, how i respond to others, my expressions, my genuiness, my intentions, my motivation, my character...

slowly the Lord has shown me these things:

1- i know to trust God but i don't do the follow thru. example: i know to organize my time and figure in advance the time it takes to find teachers but i don't do the follow thru therefore i am left frustrated. or i know that going to visit my grandmother 20 min. away would be the right thing to do but i come up with excuses to let me off the hook.

my lack of follow thru ends up resulting in a lack of faith really. without faith it's impossible to please Him. ouch.

2- as bad as a day i might have, it could be worse. i will get consumed with a dissagreement and my pride will take over. but getting over these things aren't unmanageable. getting over a losing a loved one or a friend would be much worse. bite the bullet and say i am sorry or give 'em grace, whatever you need to do, do it. you'll be glad you did.

3- enjoy kids. they are floating with spirituality. i can see God in them quicker than anything i try to see God in- and not because of anything i have done but by the simple fact they are children. i see why God says become like them now more than ever. you have to open your eyes to it, but trust me, it's there. and things seem easier when you get how that all works.

ok, so three things for now. God is original in His ways to become alive in us. never underestimate how he's going to show you he is working. he used hollywood this week for me. he actually took morgan freeman and his freckley face and made me love Him more.

go see evan almighty with your kids, watch their faces while they laugh. then give someone forgiveness you've been denying, even if they live 20 min. away.

cuts for cancer

no more fights about wet hair at bedtime, no more tangles in the morning. i now reap the benefits of having a son with boy hair (at least one son with boy hair now :)

"Cuts for Cancer" will be receiving a package of long red curly hair in the mail very soon. much to mars hill and my grandparents approval!

ahh...April 2

today was a breath of fresh air.

i actually relaxed.

i didn't have a single thought of what prop was missing or what i was going to do tonight when my son picked his nose on stage- again

i got out my foot massager/ soaker thingie and gave myself a pedicure and manicure. who knew 2nd and 4th grade boys had such intrest in soaking their feet? i did get a turn and it was fabulous.

i had to share a picture or two of my life the past couple of months.

the first is from a video i made for our "sunday night lights" class- taken spring break, una -by trina. aren't they awesome. they are demonstrating ways to focus in prayer.

second- my kiddo's with the bunny, the bunny, oh, they love the bunny

third- last night...the finale. it was super fun those Donkey Tales.

jim, thank you for seeming interested in my thoughts. i actually became interested in my blog again after watching an episode of scrubs last Thurs. night where JD and Cox refer to JD's blog. i knew we were connected :)

i don't know. i miss keeping up with this crazy thing and hearing from all of you. you know this open dialogue is easy but it screws with my head a little too. you know there are people reading this that you never know they are. i am not talking about strangers even. i mean our friends! not those of us who are in the blog circle and choose not to comment either...those who lurk over the blog circle and never say a word. ahh! maybe i am insecure. i am a little vulnerable about who i am all too often.

let me just leave you all with something light...i am going to download a clip of scrubs.

Happy New Year!

Just wanted to link you to my latest pictures of my kiddo's.

"My Three Redheads" and "More of My Three Redheads" (flickr.com)

Hope everybody is having a great new year so far!

mine rocks-

thank you.

hey friends.

i really don't know who reads anymore...i used to keep track of it with the handy sitemeter and then decided i cared too much about that and let my tracking system go. isn't it silly the things we "get all in to"? but today i must say i am thankful for you. my friends. it seems like the reality of thanksgiving rolled around a little slow for me this year but after my last post i have felt your friendship and also not so alone in my confessions. i get why God said to be there for each other. i think i am an extreme person, or can be at times. i had decided in my mind i was depending on friends too much... and i was, sorry to those who know who you are. and so instead of being wise and discerning... i shut up completely. not wise.
we need each other.

amy, i love you and how you know me and all my stuff and love me anyway. you listen like no other and i feel safe in you. God uses you with me all too often. thank you for always pointing me to Him. i pray that everyone could have a friend like amy. i love her exactly for who she is and for what God is doing with her. and amy i can't wait to see what He has in store for you-He's here and more is coming!

Psalms 16:13
And these God-chosen lives all around— what splendid friends they make!

and just a little something i forgot and had to relearn recently...
keep it light.
i think i may have started this blog asking for all you to pray for me to keep it light and now i plan to leave this blog asking all of you to remind me to keep it light. you have been fun for me- an outlet i needed. now off to something different for now. much love to all of you.

dry lands and Luke

i have been in somewhat of a spiritual dry lands lately. uninspired and very passive about too many things. not a good place to be. but God showed me something noteworthy the last two nights i tucked the kids in bed...

i wasn't in the mood at all to be spiritual much less teach. i didn't even feel worthy of reading to them considering the day i had. but God had mercy. he sent me to a scripture that lets just say "broke me" my cold heart warmed up just a bit...

the next night, after a day of going from ok to bad to worse again i sat with the kids ready or i should say not ready for another night of reading and prayer. i chose what i thought was something safe...the gospels. i knew the lessons Jesus taught too well. He wasn't going to break me tonight...i was just going to read and get on with my again cold heart. but God had something better in mind. He took me to Luke 11. i began thinking Jesus is teaching the guys about prayer, safe enough... i know about prayer, right?

so now again i sit crying, realizing two nights in a row God has been trying to get my attention while i have been determined with my sour, displaced attitude. i heard Him with so much force i had hope. it sounds a little silly but when you are in a bad place, hope makes you laugh. you could care less because your faith in thin. surely you have been here.

so i tried what this scripture suggests and i prayed. not the way i had been. the one's i had been offering were so emotionless and lacked spirit and heart. this prayer was my first prayer of faith -of true faith in days. i was direct with God, not wistful. and today i have this confession and vision again. i am coming out from the covers and more thankful than i have been all thru the past week of -dare i admit, thanksgiving.

i want to encourage anybody who is reading that may be in the dry lands to keep on reading the words from Jesus below. don't give up. don't underestimate God. just ask.
Luke 11...the message.

Ask for What You Need

1 One day he was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said, "Master, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples." 2-4So he said, "When you pray, say,

Father,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil."

5-6Then he said, "Imagine what would happen if you went to a friend in the middle of the night and said, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread. An old friend traveling through just showed up, and I don't have a thing on hand.'

7"The friend answers from his bed, 'Don't bother me. The door's locked; my children are all down for the night; I can't get up to give you anything.'

8"But let me tell you, even if he won't get up because he's a friend, if you stand your ground, knocking and waking all the neighbors, he'll finally get up and get you whatever you need.

9"Here's what I'm saying:

Ask and you'll get;
Seek and you'll find;
Knock and the door will open.

10-13"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing—you're at least decent to your own children. And don't you think the Father who conceived you in love will give the Holy Spirit when you ask him?"

hey everybody.
does anybody ever get tired of themself?
i think i am tired of me, i am getting on my own nerves.
i have no funny story-
nothing clever to write-
nothing is pressing me
and i am mad about my secondary spiritual gift (hospitality!?!)
so much that all this adds up to the fact i am tired of being me.
i usually like who i am, not in a huge kind of way and i kNoW i have lots of personality flaws but today all i see if the parts of me that i dislike. like how i felt when i put on that sea green shirt under my brown short sleeved shirt and thought it was cute.
and it wasn't. a decision i made after i got home that day...

i am not needing a pep talk either. what anyone else thinks about me doesn't matter. it's my opinion i am concerned about.

please someone admit they feel my pain and have been here.
and please someone tell me that hospitality doesn't mean fru-fru, tea cakes and fake smiles.
is that really me?! no, don't tell me. ok tell me.

mario, puppy and luigi

i wash their clothes
i comb their hair
i make their lunch
i make socks pair

i hold their hands
i read them stories
i teach them God
and all His glory

i make their hands
form church to steeple
i watch their minds
grow into people

i listen dutifully
to many complaints
i guide their minds
using some restraints

i see their smile
i hear their laugh
i see the joy
You put in my path

i ground
i spank
i fight
i thank

our God in heaven
for these joys
coming from my girl
and two crazy boys

Hahaha

can you watch this without laughing?

my latest compromise

bathtime has been challenging. our latest two fits of rage have been around this event. i lured my sugar loving baby in the tub with none other than a spoon of marshmellow cream tonight. she could not have been more willing and happy to oblidge...

some may think this isn't too bright. we could go in circles about bribing and sugar and, and, and....but i have a (fairly) calm, clean child right now. and i am loving that.

Click Here for recent pictures of the killen kids.

please know that because i am posting this, i am NOT in any way taking this lightly- as some of you know, sadie has given way to what we southerners call "fits"...and i am at a loss. i have tried every emotion with her (anger, being calm, ignoring, spanking, time-out) and analyzed every thing on the way up to the fit (tired, hungry, been around the boys too much, my moods) there seems to be no common denominator except she demands attention pretty much all the time and she may be giving it her best shot with these tantrums. i just don't know what to do when it happens. i feel helpless and ignorant and like a very bad parent.

i know this isn't healthy for any of us. i am crazy, sad and feeling left like i am not good at my purpose. i love her and am soooo crazy about her but lately she is just driving me crazy.

please pray for my parenting, my sanity and Sadie...

All i want for Christmas

all i want for Christmas...

click the above video and listen while you read. there's nothing like a little holiday music to get you in the mood. i know Christmas is about giving but we all have something we want right? something we keep saying, "Well, i'll just wait till Christmas for that"

so what is it?
list your top two...

mine are:
a music card and a charger for my phone
i-tunes bucks

the movie "step up" just might be next because i just rolled in from seeing it and am still on a high-i LoVeD it.
i think i am going to ditch aerobics and seriously consider a dance routine.
you think Cross Point would have a dance class? you never know...

P.E. Program

amy...
this is my son's teacher watching with diligence the Mars Hill PE program.
is she not the best????
thank you amy for teaching gates and being an amazing friend and example.

PE Program...You may or may not be interested in hearing about what i consider one of the cutest things MH elementary puts out thanks to our own Coach Denise. I will spare you the details of how cute my kids were and focus on yours. Chandler, Danna, Eric and Olivia, Abby and Hannah, Annsley and Ann Marie, Macy Wallace and Wright and about 50 other Cross Point kids were in there looking as awesome as ever, shaking their stuff to the beat.
I had one of those smiles that made my face hurt. One of those moments you thank God for-

my insi(RED) moment

i know a few of you know about "My Upmost for His Highest"- oswald chambers. he is a spiritually deep writer and i am blessed to have a link to him on my "to do" page that i check in on everyday.

i have to share today's thoughts. it -took a load off- so to say. one of those things that make you feel lighter, less burdened and less in control. a fantastic feeling. if you want to read the whole thing in context link to Heartlight.org


"We are taken up with active work while people all round are ripe to harvest, and we do not reap one of them, but waste our Lord's time in over-energized activities. Suppose the crisis comes in your father's life, in your brother's life, are you there as a labourer to reap the harvest for Jesus Christ? "Oh, but I have a special work to do!" No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ's own, one who is not above his Master, one who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls to no special work: He calls to Himself. "Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer circumstances and thrust you out.

i think i am left feeling like this
"what the crap have i been trying to do here?!?!"

God has me. Praise God. So do any of you ever feel like you are trying to find your place, your purpose?

This says chill out. Live like Him -for Him -and because of Him.

Maybe that should be the question instead of finding our purpose is finding our reason.

I'm sorry. You all have probably discovered this on day 4 or 5 of your spiritual journey, i am just having an ah-ha moment about something that is obvious...ever have those days?
Forgive me if i randomly post 1 Cor. 13 again. i am inspi(RED).

what i hate is...

i am setting here at 10:52 on a thursday night questioning myself and how i spend my free time -as i was drying my hair tonight i realized that drying my hair was the single thing i hate to do the most. second is applying mascara. ironically God gave me curly hair that i seem to think must be dryed straight in order to be presentable and red eyelashes...

blogging is funny. it's just out there, talking with everyone but you never know who exactly and why they read or what intrests them- i know that pictures of hair dryers and hearing about how i hate to get ready can't possibly be worthy of any one person's time. why do we do this??
can i just solict comments here... i want to know what of your every day stuff that you have to do -do you HaTe to do? (i don't feel like rewording that)

fall break! "Lost" and OpRaH

(i have to share this picture that makes me laugh out loud. sadie has on those crazy google eye glasses and wanted to be in this picture with the lovely Dalton and Olivia but just couldn't commit.)

i woke up this morning and all of my children are playing together. not fighting and even helping each other. life seemed a little surreal. i laid in bed listening. i didn't think about what all i had to do this morning or how quickly i needed to get breakfast ready and kids out the door...i just listened. it was beautiful.

i then got up and greeted them for the day and made myself a large glass of my best sweet tea and turned on some oprah. she was talking with a woman that "snapped" , got in her car and drove 90 mph to the nearest bridge and jumped. obviously, unsuccesful because O was interviewing her. she went on to write a book "why i jumped". i have so many questions about this...so she wants to end her life and couldn't even do that right and comes out of depression (which is GriPpInG) and writes a book and gets on the Oprah show. God is so big is all i know. and it helped that she had footage of her attempt.

today i leave at 3 pm for zoe. last minute decision but i feel God lead. please pray for sadie especially, we were up some last night with her coughing. while your praying please also lift the student ministries. Pray i can be a better, more focused leader- with the spiritual developement of our kids as the vision...this is going to be my focus this weekend.

and i can't post without mentioning "Lost". last night mark, wes, erin and myself were literally on the edge of our seats sharing in the excitement of season three, episode one. i felt a little like i was awaiting something much bigger than the coming of sawyer, kate and jack. it was a little convicting... i am sorry for my over zelous addiction. but however somewhat satisfied with what few questions that were answered. i just needed a little more sayid...

Free Hugs Campaign (music by sick puppies)

The Supreme Excellency of Love

Blowers's Daughter...Damien Rice

Oh, Mama (Funny)

what i need to be doing instead of blogging all these videos

meChurch

sounds nice...

but do you LoVe...?

i know you may not have the same reaction as i did when i read this familiar chapter but it hit me hard.
its asking us where our heart is.
of course you have read it and of course from the message but God spoke to me in a way i had to put it here and showcase this beauty of His.


1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.

3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!..(this makes me so anxious to see Him)

13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God,

hope unswervingly,

love extravagantly.

And the best of the three is love.

SaDiE

sadie was four yesterday and i started the day staring at her while she slept. there she was with her messy hair, laying sideways with her whole life in front of her.

four years ago she was put on my chest, screaming her little red self out. she was mine. my little girl, my new friend. i just didn't deserve that. and yet God thought he'd give me and her a whirl and here we are four years later and looking around i think she and i are doing ok...if i could just teach her how to sit like a lady...

for her birthday, she was slathered with beads, combs, nail polish, clips, floam, sand, clothes, work-out videos and all the things that make sadie's world go round. and i am crazy about her and all her girl stuff.

update...

as of yesterday-

"...and i let go and off he went..."

he got it! riley rocks ;)

Held

Natalie Grant

mY fEaTuReD fRiEnD

amanda brewer: (sorry no picture available)
lucky me got to spend some time with amanda lately- here's what i came up with:

a...she tries to be the best mother she was made to be. she seems to get Ps. 127: "Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD." because she lives that way. my favorite thing about her.

2-she loves to laugh: i rarely see her without a smile. she seems happy because she is and she tells her face.

tres: she knows she worries and she tries not to: ShE OvErCoMeS- so she stays real to me but she gets past her fears or tries her best to-

d) she is full of compassion (my close to first second favorite thing)- she has a heart full of helping and giving and loving-(prob. why she makes for a good mom.)

5; she casts very little judgement- thru her trials she has learned better. and she is just who she is and doesn't put who she thinks she should be on others either. pure in heart.

kudos to amanda. i think you are da bomb. ;)

riley's ride

here's todays big new for me. riley announces his parents haven't taught him to ride a bike. being the conformist and now embarrised parent i am -i get myself outside and make him learn on his cousins purple flower bike. he loves this already...

have you met riley? if not, he has the drama of a jr. high girl tucked away in which he pulls out whenever he is tired, hurt or frustrated. with all three in play we were well on our way to disaster.

he peddled as i ran beside him, flip flops and all in this crazy awkward position- i would try to cushion each fall by holding on to any part of his person. finally i decided to do the tough love thing and let him fall so he wouldn't be so afraid to fall. the cute little purple handle bar goes right into his personal parts that i don't understand...
more drama-
finally i am chanting peddle, peddle over and over and am able to let go and just hold the seat...
after more crashes and more drama i wish this story ended in "and i let go and off he went..."

but not so. i am sore. he is bruised and i will pray for better luck tomorrow. the awesome thing about riley is that he is still good to go. this didn't bruise his ego or pride in the slightest. he went in, drank a sprite and was ready for his next adventure which i think included organizing his playstation games- hmmm....

maybe these pics will show you a little bit of our adventure. he liked to take "breaks" -see above picture mule gazing.

my featured friend...

people impress me.

i like to consider their strengths that stand out -especially the ones that i am weak in or just want to be like- i think i might make "my featured friend" a blogging habit. a fresh word about yourself goes a long way and we need to build each other up!mY feAtUrEd FrIeNd... Shannan Bridges

5 qualities that make her like HIM to me:

*her mind is on her Maker... Her latest discovery of how to improve herself or her mindset in order to be more like Him is always what brings light in her eyes. my favorite thing about her.

*she loves to laugh. she is all about a good time. she somehow can pull this off without speaking bad about one person. a rarity. my close second favorite thing about her.

*she does what she believes. she doesn't talk about how she should or when would be a good time to start. she just goes for it.

*she can cook like nobody's business. have you seen her in action? have you seen a pampered chef show by shannan? it's entertainment.

*she lives lightly. she doesn't take life too seriously. she can get serious and be there and live in a serious way...but she has learned the fine art of enjoying life.

of course i could go on... shannan i love you! i love your family and your sister and i miss you and your spirit at cross point.

i know we all aren't perfect, i am not holding her up there with God.
i just think i should look around more often and see the good stuff.

grasshoppers and getting older

i woke up yesterday morning in pain. every muscle made me feel twice my age. i was swollen- and my hair...even though i tried, just didn't happen- (i know its fried, i wish my friends would just say something already) -my face was gross. i had some crazy combination skin going on like i am 14. after squeezing into my pants i was officially depressed with my appearance.

the day continued on with many mishaps of forgetfullness. i forgot a lunch date, i left a flyer in the printer at home in which i had made for someone i had promised to have to Wed...(it was Friday) i forgot completely to work at school (it was my day) i also couldn't remember words. conversations with me were a joke. WoRdS!...simple ones like "grill" and "ms smith" even our dogs name. i am not hungover or taking anything besides my vitamins that ironically are supposed to be bringing clarity...

however-i managed to have fun last night. amy b and i celebrated jana h birthday with shannan. Big surprise at carrabba's, a little cold stone creamery, add some target and we had people telling us we were having too much fun.
funny how a day can be flipt...

on the way home a grasshopper lasted from madison to my driveway
holding on to amy's hood...
perseverance-
now if a grasshopper can make it with 70 mile an hour winds, i think i might can get up with a smile on today and maybe -just maybe- i can trust that it won't matter so much what i look like, how i feel or even what i can remember- except that God is good and i am thankful...and hope for more laughter thru it all...

I Corinthians 13:7

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Pregnancy in 15 seconds

take a load off Gina...
you are in my prayers.
love you!

i read this to the kids tonight: amazing verses for just daily living-

Galations 6: msg.

1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

4-5Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

i love "live creatively friends" leave it to eugene...
and that part about saving our critical comments to ourselves...wow.
and the part "if you think you are too good for that (sharing burdens) you are sorely deceived". PoW! (can you tell which parts fell on my ears just right?)

Pray for Gina- she's having LiAm soon, very soon. Maybe NoW!

my three redheads

Kym and Holly, here are my crazies as i lovingly refer to them...now i need some shots of your babes girls. Mine are the ones with red hair and goggles mostly. (Sadie is a goggle freak.)
(click on "my crazies" for more pictures)

the fire...

last night i worked diligently on the application and still am no where near finished. thank you for the responses- i am somehow brought to a little better understanding of what to put by what you guys are willing to say about me...
i think you were all being nice and i figure all of you had at least 3 grumpy adjectives you could have shared. i really wish you would have, it looks as if i was calling everyone to build me up and that this a.race app. was a big front. i may be that insecure however that was not my intentions.
sooo...this week has been very much a walk thru the fire for me. i can't really explain other than a series of unfortunate events. i am proud to say God is working in me. my attitude has been on a rollar coaster and my heart on my sleeve but i am working on being more even and presentable.
today i am hanging on this verse: 1 peter 1:7

Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed. They will show that you will be given praise and honor and glory when Jesus Christ returns.

and this song:

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

i want this kind of spirit.

and holly i am working on posting some pics of the kids...

questions for you...

so i am on my bi-yearly "i have to run the Amazing Race" kick- the good news is, this time i have gotten my application BeFoRe they quit taking them...season 10- i know this is bizarre and just silly to some buy i really want to run this thing.
seriously. i need your prayers. HoWeVeR...there are some tough questions i am not sure of and who better to ask than my friends, right?

i am not trying to lose friends here but i would like your complete honesty. I am a big girl. If the answer is too much and you can't comment here, let me know somewhere when no one is "listening" (apparently i am expecting the worse from you guys)
so Shannan, Cortnie, Trina- you guys who read and never say anything, its time. i need your voice. this is important information that you are offering.
ok -enough drama...here's what i need the answers for-

1..."What famous person reminds you of yourself?"

2..."List 3 adjectives that best describe yourself"

(i have no idea on the first one and the second i am wierded out about describing myself)

now i need to know how YoU would answer these questions:

3..."Are there any locations in the world to which you absolutely will not travel?" if so identify where and why
4..."What part of the world is the least interesting to you and why?"

(these are hard for me to answer because i just don't know enough about the "world" to know if there is a place i don't want t0 go, other than the places we are in war with..)

ThAnK YoU for your time.

So it's Saturday, the kids are classically watching cartoons and sporatically eating. I am checking email and blogs. We are about to go swimming i think, well after i do something productive so i won't feel useless...i just ran into a blog from Krista's, "Kelly"-a woman from 7 mile who loves Zoe and pictures and God. Where's Trina? :)

It just made me think about how awesome it would be if we could befriend our fellowship. Kanisha J. and i had a funny conversation about how in the coc we tend to seclude ourselves and murmer and complain about EaCh OtHeR...silly. She grew up under a different "umbrella" of beliefs and you guys know her light-hearted nature, she laughs at us. I have to laugh or i'll cry.

I wish things were different. I like to sit around and think-it's not me who has so much trouble with this, it's the other churches...but its me too. I am used to our style of everything, i am looking forward to changes...ok, enough-

It just all circles back around to my attitude. I want the right one, the attitude that sees the big picture and see's us all at a place of learning and figuring out. Not one person is up here because of this and down here because of that. AHHHH! Please pray for mine. God is AlWaYs working on it.

So let's worship tomorrow. Think about GOD. His nature, His power. How He delivers and rescues and disciplines all rolled into One. He rocks. Clear your head. Clear your mind of all the junk that makes you critical and gross. I know i will have to- now I can't wait...

cell from hell

has everyone seen the phone i have been carrying around? it's cracked, we heard about that and now the little "pad" on the back has fallen off, slowly, leaving a sticky mess on my hands-
so i have been doing a little research and discovered this really cool phone that i am now craving...chocolate- today i found out it can Be MiNe...for a fraction of the retail price (heard that promise before?)
The cell phone world makes me laugh- you can actually get PaId to own their phones when you do the rebate thing- so hopefully on Monday (some contract has to run out) i can own me some chocolate. (and maybe by Christmas i can save up the $ to buy the gadgets that make it super cool)

LG KG800 Chocolate video 1

everybody loves chocolate

Holy

1 Peter 1:13

Be alert and think straight. Put all your hope in how kind God will be to you when Jesus Christ appears.
14Behave like obedient children. Don't let your lives be controlled by your desires, as they used to be.

15Always live as God's holy people should, because God is the one who chose you, and he is holy. 16That's why the Scriptures say,
"I am the holy God, and you must be holy too."

-a group of us went to Athens last night to worship with the Zoe group. How sad is it that i craved, hungered for this worship? Assuming to myself i would do this any given Saturday night if given the opportunity. Why is that not an option? This is God we are talking about here.

...you know i am a fan of entertainment and my recent rompt thru Ecc. has only confirmed me more that it's ok to live a life that we enjoy and i soo enjoy a good movie (and a little JD)- but if i could be doing what i did Sat. night...it just made sense to me. I live for Him, i try to at least- it's natural to express my love for Him. Can we do something about our (my) complacency about worship?!

Scrubs My Way Home 5x07 Part 1/3

my vbs inspiration

scrubs

the song i can't find!

Turk: Who are these guys?

J.D.: These are the last eight guys in the hospital that don't realize I suck at basketball. So here's what gonna happen: I finally mastered my running hook shot so when we go to pick teams I'm gonna hit that shot. Then you say I'll pick that guy at which point Carla is gonna page me and I'll say "*Crap*, I've gotta go." And you'll go "*D***, we just lost the best player out here." And then there will be eight guys in the hospital who think I'm good at sports and word will spread.
Turk: When do you find time to see your patients?
J.D.: Between these thoughts.

If you haven't caught Scrubs yet you should. It rocks. There's always some great message at the end of the show- the writing is awesome. JD is a real person to me. I love him. His mind is always in some other world, planning, scheming, dreaming but he is brilliant at what he does...maybe that's just tv...but i think it can be done-
come on...be shallow, watch tv and enjoy scrubs...it's okay
i read ecc. the other night. all of it b/c i kept thinking "is Solomon really suggesting this"

Read this: Ecc. 2:24
The best you can do with your life is have a good time and get by the best you can. The way I see it, that's it—divine fate. Whether we feast or fast, it's up to God. (msg.) from context click here

b'ham babes

i so happened to have just a minute this morning and to answer your question amy f...ms idol had a blast, but i might have to give that title to amy b- she has plenty of pics, one of taylor hicks in which i hope makes the blog cut... taylor...- he just has that thing that makes you want to know him and then you feel like you do even when you don't-i found this pic of him and a guitar...ahhhhhhhh! A nice surprise was Lisa singing Elton's "your song" and chris, elliot, ace and bucky singing "Patience", a song i had forgotten about. Awesome words.

i had so much fun with my girls amy, trina, bridgett, meredith, shannan, scarlett and cortney b. but i must say the concert on the way home was worth as much to me as the $60 a.i. one...being serenaded by our praise team, singing, laughing- it will be one of my best memories from the trip. i love you guys! OK, gotta get going- today i meet "Ray Renoylds"woo hoo :)

cotten eyed joe

"We could sing Cotten Eyed Joe"
...a suggestion Sadie made in her Wed. night Bible class
Thanks to Amy R. for sharing the fun things they say. Prayer Request: i am back to the "get over myself" place i need to apparently stay in...
one day at a time, one foot in front of the other, one task, one meeting, one morning i will wake up and not have a whole lot to do-right? and wish for just some of this back on my plate. ..?

i get so overwhelmed with what i need to do- pray i will check my attitude out and get all these things done with a cheerful heart. Didn't M Blueberry say a thankful heart is a cheerful one? Where is she?

Riley went to bed crying saying he's going to miss me tomorrow. what do you say to your child when all you want to do is cry and say -i'll miss you too... in a huge way. Is it ok to say i think i have the most awesome kids ever? I love to hang out with them and tomorrow and the next however many months they are busy...i am sad. and sadly busy too.

is this how it's supposed to be?

Rest Assured...?

my latest discovery is that i am thinking i can be a better person by simply being more simple.
i think...

oh my word, i can hardly admit this but...mom...has always said, "slow down gena", and bigger still the Lord has always said "be still gena, know i have you"

and still i keep going like the energizer bunny, except for this week...nothing.
everyday its been get up,
shave my legs (maybe),
put on a hat
and go sit by my in-laws pool.
and be still.
and swim some because my kids make fun of me and gracious it's 100 degrees...

i have so much gain from this stillness. ..

-my new close friend, my sister in-law in which we have sadly never taken this much quality time together.

-my kids are great swimmers and they are digging their cousins. that's good for the fam.

-i am more at peace than i have been in soooo long. i am not sure that's from the pool or the stillness. i am betting the stillness. God is good. i am not worthy.

-lastly, lets not forget my vanity...my tan. it's not much seeing as i am freckely and all but there is sadly some peace coming from it. ahh, still working on that.

i will soooo miss my stillness.
just tonight we had orientation and i see i have my work cut out for me. here we go...
i do better when i have more to do...i have always worked that way.
i have accomplished little in my stillness but i have gotten closer to God than i have been in some time.
- PrIcEleSs...now what to do?
Pull-up the bootstraps and get moving and be the room mom, student minister, mother of 3 i chose to be or StoP................and sit and think and pray and consider this lifestyle one more time...
i need wisdom.
seriously.
what are your opinions on this picking back up the pace?
healthy? unhealthy?

consider these verses before you decide:

1. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Ex. 14:14
2. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways. Ps. 37:7a
3. James 3:1...Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.

4. James 2:18But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
   Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. 20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless?

Does anyone see what is going on in my head?
be still,
be better at what you do,
be still,
do something worthwhile...show your faith...ahhhh!

i am not confused. i am needing balance.
i am just at a loss where that balance is supposed to stay for me.

(and amy's, i can't get that crazy im to work, so you will know. maybe it has something to do with all this...?)

a tribute to the Shepherds...
they left out this morning for their 24 hour journey to
Austrailia
to set up home indefinately.
you will be missed. from our family to yours...

tune: Yellow Brick Road, Elton John
When are you gonna come down?
When are you going to land?
should we have paid you more?
should we listen to the Big Man?

You know you can hold Crosspoint forever
They would have signed up with you-
Now you're a present for Austrailia to open
America's left singing the blues

So goodbye our Shepherd friends
Where is the plane right now?
You can plant us in your memory
We're going back to our house...

Back to the walls and floors made of wood
Hunting the games you left us
Oh I've finally decided just take them all...
the aussies made such a fuss

What are you doing right now?
Has Rebecca shot down the plane?
It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
To set you on your feet again

Maybe you'll get a replacement
There's few like them to be found
we'll miss you like crazy our best friends
let us know when your planes on the ground