i love my church.

Tonight we gain an extra hour. Watch me sit here and waste it away. I guess writing my thoughts isn't a total waste but I could be crashing after a long day. Tonight was our Harvest Fest. The big event that involves 1/2 the church it feels like. Coordinating all the people/help- is a feat in and of itself. Not to mention reserving, purchasing, the donations, the inevitable shopping and the candy, man the candy...but after all is said and done- a grandiose blessing.

I watched families work together. Get dressed up together, laugh together- pray together. I know it's a Halloween alternative event- not Sunday worship or anything but it's got me thinking about God so much. He not only provided a gorgeous day filled with sun when the weathermen all week said rain, He rallied up a group of people- a mash up of CP members to serve and befriend each other.

I love why He makes these things happen. It may have been great for our community- but I can see how great it was for our church family. I feel like I bonded a bit with everyone because we all had a common goal-hot dogs, drinks, cotton candy, yeah- but more so the people from the community fueled our energy levels and made us want to make it a great event.

Passing each other in the kitchen, stealing a bowl of chili in the midst of the hectic, working out funnel cakes after we tripped two breakers- i am, for this moment, in love with my CP family. I love that my preacher stayed all day- from the moments at the beginning until we shut out the kitchen lights- he took out trash, set up chairs and handed out cokes. Stayed just as busy and worked just as hard as the rest. A good man.

I love that even though we changed the day late in the game, we had more help than ever. I love that after wrapping 3200 hot dogs my kitchen coordinator couldn't leave- saying "i have to see how this plays out!" then got in there and served popcorn for two and a half hours. I love that two people were there just to pray with people. I love that my son worked a game this year and my kids didn't mention one time to me how they missed out on trick or treating in our neighborhood- I love that I finally got to meet Pam that I have been hearing all about...

So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow I will sleep well with my little reminder-I love that we love our community and I love that we love each other. Whether or not we had a t-shirt for everybody or that we got that super great job that we wanted- we had a good attitude- and after a long time of planning and prep- this has made a difference to me.

My life, His Ministry.

Aren't those kids gorgeous? It's kinda crazy to think that just about everything I physically do is for these people. Not only am I their mother but I am also their minister. I mean that's my job I am paid for and am called to do without the paycheck. That's a crazy concept and if I think about it too long the pressure rises up in me. I sometimes look at my set up and praise God for the amazing opportunity that I get to be caretakers of their souls in a sense. Then sometimes I am scared to death thinking all I am is all I got and without His intervention I am pretty much gonna lead them into no good. Not intentionally but if i know anything, I know I am no good without Him.

I know God has me in ministry not because of my gifts or talents or even willingness, but because I need ministry. For me to be closer to Him, I need a daily responsibility that keeps me working and diligent. It is a let down in a way. I wish He knew I could work secularly and still be a charming Christian. But the job makes the man here. I am a better person because I am called to be. Not better than anyone else- better than I would be. Make no mistake.

Even that these words are somehow coming out like I needed and wanted them to are words that God is giving me to better help me express myself and help me be more clear minded. I am telling you, without Him, I am a mess. He supplies everything. The ideas, the craftiness the desire even. He puts that in me everyday- I go to Him for a "quick fix" in making phone calls mostly, that is truly my hardest feat as a minister, how ridiculous. I love words and expression is so important to me but when I am on a phone without a face- I am lost and fumble and my heart isn't displayed well because my mind gets all in the way. I am the one that leaves the ridiculous phone messages and I am the one that somehow suddenly can't make small talk to save her life.

God makes up for our shortcomings. Thankfully- the job doesn't necessarily require a lot of phone calls. And thankfully it does require someone who knows they really aren't much without the Father. I still can't take the pressure of those three in that picture. The relationship is easy, to love them is a breeze but to teach them what all they need to know?! I find myself leaning in on the Father again feeling as helpless as ever. One day at a time. One phone call at a time. One decision at a time. Thankfully one child entering jr. high- at a time. One prayer for wisdom at a time.

Happy Fall to Me

I have officially been denying the fall. The fresh air, the gentle breeze, the sun, when it actually came out and warmed it all to the perfect temperature something so natural happened it seemed unnatural. I fell in love. Not just "ah, this feels nice" but I went to the same extreme of denying God's change of season with ungrateful disinterest and scoffs at people loving the "football weather" to feeling all "alive" and running in circles with arms wide open like a scene from "The Sound of Music". It's time to embrace the fall for what it is. I know the next line is different for everyone. But for me it's change. The colors, the temp., the smells. See... I like summer. I like warm, i like green. These ARE a few of my favorite things. But fall brings cold and brown. Cold and brown and colder and then barren. Yuck for me. Then why today do i feel delicious?

Being inside with my toothless child lent me to some quality time with him until his interest in the TV overcame his interest in me. So i naturally get on FB, twitter, blogs, anything that reminded my mind i am in a bigger world than this one in which my couch and tv set...

One, I was reminded that I desperately want to go to Africa. Two, I was reminded that I really can't keep up nor want to keep up with the runnings of this world. I have never been a newsy kinda girl and when i wrap my brain around the loudness of community and entertainment and media, i shrink a little. And instead of feeling alive- i feel little. Being inside obviously isn't the answer.

So today, I will suit up up my soccer playing spawn and breathe deep. Lift fall right into my air passages and hold tight. I will overcome the temptation too dread winter. I will overcome the temptation to be all grumpy with every one's delightful meaner . I will take in the day with joy and gladness and hope. That one day winter will not scare me and brown will be my color. And that coats and socks and scarves and chills will be overshadowed with coziness and blankets and a good book and maybe some hot chocolate.

Fall-*sigh* Here I come.