My life, His Ministry.

Aren't those kids gorgeous? It's kinda crazy to think that just about everything I physically do is for these people. Not only am I their mother but I am also their minister. I mean that's my job I am paid for and am called to do without the paycheck. That's a crazy concept and if I think about it too long the pressure rises up in me. I sometimes look at my set up and praise God for the amazing opportunity that I get to be caretakers of their souls in a sense. Then sometimes I am scared to death thinking all I am is all I got and without His intervention I am pretty much gonna lead them into no good. Not intentionally but if i know anything, I know I am no good without Him.

I know God has me in ministry not because of my gifts or talents or even willingness, but because I need ministry. For me to be closer to Him, I need a daily responsibility that keeps me working and diligent. It is a let down in a way. I wish He knew I could work secularly and still be a charming Christian. But the job makes the man here. I am a better person because I am called to be. Not better than anyone else- better than I would be. Make no mistake.

Even that these words are somehow coming out like I needed and wanted them to are words that God is giving me to better help me express myself and help me be more clear minded. I am telling you, without Him, I am a mess. He supplies everything. The ideas, the craftiness the desire even. He puts that in me everyday- I go to Him for a "quick fix" in making phone calls mostly, that is truly my hardest feat as a minister, how ridiculous. I love words and expression is so important to me but when I am on a phone without a face- I am lost and fumble and my heart isn't displayed well because my mind gets all in the way. I am the one that leaves the ridiculous phone messages and I am the one that somehow suddenly can't make small talk to save her life.

God makes up for our shortcomings. Thankfully- the job doesn't necessarily require a lot of phone calls. And thankfully it does require someone who knows they really aren't much without the Father. I still can't take the pressure of those three in that picture. The relationship is easy, to love them is a breeze but to teach them what all they need to know?! I find myself leaning in on the Father again feeling as helpless as ever. One day at a time. One phone call at a time. One decision at a time. Thankfully one child entering jr. high- at a time. One prayer for wisdom at a time.