hey everybody.
does anybody ever get tired of themself?
i think i am tired of me, i am getting on my own nerves.
i have no funny story-
nothing clever to write-
nothing is pressing me
and i am mad about my secondary spiritual gift (hospitality!?!)
so much that all this adds up to the fact i am tired of being me.
i usually like who i am, not in a huge kind of way and i kNoW i have lots of personality flaws but today all i see if the parts of me that i dislike. like how i felt when i put on that sea green shirt under my brown short sleeved shirt and thought it was cute.
and it wasn't. a decision i made after i got home that day...
i am not needing a pep talk either. what anyone else thinks about me doesn't matter. it's my opinion i am concerned about.
please someone admit they feel my pain and have been here.
and please someone tell me that hospitality doesn't mean fru-fru, tea cakes and fake smiles.
is that really me?! no, don't tell me. ok tell me.
7 comments:
first of all, i think i would trade YOU's with you in a new york minute. that's how great I think you are. somedays i look down and think, after all this time...this is what I got? not just physically either, but all over.
hospitality is your gift, not because you are good at throwing parties, or hosting baby showers. it is because you make people feel comfortable, make them feel important. you are good at that.
according to meriam webster dictionary, one meaning of hospitable is "offering a pleasant and sustaining environment"; and while it's nice at your house, and one feels pleasant in your home, i think the sustaining part fits you more. you breathe life into things around you. that's your spiritual gift.
oh yeah, the other definition...readily receptive - to new ideas.
that fits yeah?
Hey Gena!! Your kids are getting so big! I cannot believe how much they've grown. Oh, and I definitely have days where I feel like you feel.
Unfortunately, I feel this way about myself daily...so be glad it's not a constant thing for you. Also, rather than try to re-word anything...I'll just ditto what Krista said about the hospitality!
I think I am wallowing in these feelings right now. I am stuck in a hotel room for the past month and still have a month to go and I cannot find happiness. I know it should be from within, but sometimes It is buried so deeply that you need a catalyst to bring it out.
Gena, I know you know how much I love and adore you, so I'm not going there. I think that this shows all of us that we are all in this together, no one is immune to "down" days. We just have to lift one another up when we can and let others lift us when we are in it ourselves.
Love you.
Regularly. Also, it seems sometimes that everyone I know agrees with me. This is new for me. Is it new for you? I've never doubted myself and apologized for myself the way I do now...and I've always NOT liked that in other people. Same old cliche but SATAN KNOWS where to hit you. Don't let him steal your joy.
I get sick of me all the time. I get tired of my own persistent negativity, my inability to follow through, my moodiness, blah, blah...
When I get like that, I always think of my BF from MH - Kristi Johnson...everybody always loved her, she was always cheerful, and she saw humor in every situation. I am positively baffled by that. How can she do that?? Was it nurture or nature that made her that way? I wonder if I loan my kids to her for a week a year, could she instill that positive outlook on them?
Anyway...I know what you mean. But I think you are awesome and I love you.
-g
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