shining through.

I see your true colors

shining through

I see your true colors

and that's why I love you

so don't be afraid to let them show

your true colors

true colors are beautiful

like a rainbow

My Joe Riley

The middle child. The keeper of my sanity and destroyer of it, all rolled up in a curly headed, snaggle toothed boy. This child is generated by people and when exposed- turns into a burst of energy that can either light up a room or run everyone out of it. It has been eleven years of joy having him in my life.

Tonight at prayer-time we settled into an interesting conversation about each child's spiritual gifts. We decided Gates is the helper, Sadie, compassion and when i dropped the bomb on Riley that i felt his gift was hospitality (making people feel at home around him) i was worried he may feel unsure, like it was a "girl" gift. Instead, he cranked up the butler routine and began inviting us all to his room in a British accent. He is a character so often that sometimes I wonder what's really going on in his floppy haired head of his.

I had to post about my Joe Riley- judging by the 19 month difference he and his brother have- i realize that my time is ticking having a son that will still throw his arms around his mom and smack a kiss on her cheek. Maybe he won't loose that spark in him but i know soon he will be too cool for that. My heart did sink a bit when I brought him lunch for his birthday at school and he told me i didn't have to stay...

Thinking about how this whole weekend revolved around him- the two day birthday celebration and then the band concert, it was easy to see my child was full. I enjoyed his spirit and wish i could keep him this high on life all the time- he's really is fun to be around. Always ready with a joke, noticing small things and asking deep questions- in some ways beyond his years and in others i pray for his maturity. How can that be? I guess it's the nature of a tween. God bless him and us as we enter another decade of Riley. My heart.

Tis the Season...

Today is Nov. 29th, close enough to December for a "My Favorites" list. I was just catching up on last years list, interesting things i must mention:

* Jon and Kate are divorced-sending the joy they brought me to an all time low. From their series to their commercial to their song (and come ON! 8 kids!) couldn't they have tried harder to find it for each other? :(

* I lost the gloves that apparently made me giddy.

* Tale of Despereaux...too much sad mouse. Marley and Me...too much sad dog. Benjamin Buttons...too much sad old man/boy. Yes Man...too much yes.

* After I apparently had fallen in love with my house, i moved.

SO, this year...

1. Somethings I have discovered new since last year:: Obviously first being:: I will miss Michael Jackson's music. "Man in the Mirror" can i just say *genius* Second:: Confirmation is so important to me. Third:: Serve where God has you. End of story. Don't drag out questions. Keep it that simple.

2. "How Many Kings?" Downhere. Could it replace "Do they know it's Christmastime?" ...maybe

3. My friends are God's amazing gift to me. Merry Christmas to me. God bless them, everyone!

4. gLee. Every song- seriously, almost every song makes me so happy i want to jump up and cheer or cry or something ridiculously overly emotional. Topping my list this year...(surprise, iTunes $)

5. Contemporary routines from "so you think..." please let me learn how to dance -!- i will consider that i am too old and goofy and am *meant to be a fan...* but come on! Someday i will get the nerve to ask for dance lessons for Christmas.

6. 10? maybe i jumped the gun- i haven't really even broke out all the music and Sadie's goofy Christmas shirts yet...

7. Black Friday won this year. I couldn't do it, deals were officially less important than sleep. But I am sure to absorb some shopping spirit before the season ends. I love love love Hobby Lobby and thanks to them more "homemade Christmas" is sure to develop- feel the need to apologize.

8. Looking sooo forward to cooking this year. (I broke out in new directions of creativity this year from cooking to painting to kicking out a necklace or two) I really can't wait to have my kitchen covered in pans, flour, delicious smells and some loud music. Maybe some Rachel Ray channeling, or better...what chef has a French accent? oh yeah...

9. I must admit this to possibly have been the best year for decorating. Reason:: I did not put one tree limb into one metal pole, I did not match one letter to one faded off color. I did not vacuum the first spindle of pine off the carpet. My husband did so with my 2 strong sons. While i sang and cooked in the kitchen the house developed into Christmas central and I just showed up for the decorating. Presto, he got it right this year. This is our (ahem) 15th Christmas together.

10. Wrapping matters. The cuter the package the better the gift looks. I discovered this a few years back but i am officially embracing the disguise and taking wrapping to a whole new level. At least for me, I am a far cry from AC and I realize i may never reach her level of expertise, but one gift at a time. This will be the best wrapped holiday season yet.

Well, i guess that's a wrap.

See how that worked?- Now how cute am I?

Merry Christmas Blogger friends. All one of you. You know who you are Amy Browning. Should i just call you up for a girls night out instead of writing up all this?

Movies to catch this season in order of excitement:

The Blind Side- doesn't count as a Christmas movie but am pacing to see it...

1. Everybody's Fine

2. Invictus

3. Precious- not getting in Flotown :(

4. Up in the Air

5. The Fantastic Mr. Fox

After Christmas first on my list: Leap Year with Amy Adams. Enchanted flashback? Please let it be.

safe landings.

i live in a swirly kind of place. where i really never land on anything for long- then when i do- i do my thing then off swirling again. while the flighty style suits me so and is it's always nice for me to be in the wind- i really had grown weary of the "side effects" of my lack of channeling. for the past few days i have- possibly for the first time in my life- experienced what it might be like to stay on the station. i landed, channeled, focused, laughed, cried and felt like a better me.

yeah, i have help. don't think it wasn't prayed over intensely- but through this gift, as today i see it- i was blessed with one of the best conversations i have had in the past 5 years with my mom. my holds weren't barred and she was my parent and i relished it. she talked to me about who i was growing up. the kind of spirit i had and heart. i needed to hear that so badly. i didn't realize how i needed be her daughter.

i shared with her the bond sadie and i have and the relationship she already exhibits with God- and she said "now you know what i had"- man- after feeling like her little girl again, i knew more than ever you never stop missing your mom. then i held on to the next few things she said while the Spirit led her.

i talked to her about needing rest. she reminded me Jesus needed rest often during his ministry. God himself in the flesh. thru my tears she told me i was precious to her and i need rest. and we talked about what she saw in me as a teenager. she told me she just knew i would end up working with children with special needs. i was happy to tell her i was and that she was right- i do work with them and am more filled by that part of my life than most other things i sink in to. i felt like i was where i needed to be. for now- for sure.

we connected. i let her in and she was on my page. i feel so loved today. thankful for her. her life. her LIFE. her choices. her strength. her huge strength that gets shadowed by her very very tender heart. her convictions she instilled in me. i broke down a wall that i wasn't sure could be moved. God is so good. i have landed today.

i know i love wind too much to become a different person thru all this awakening but i am looking forward to a better me. i can see God healing parts of me i didn't think really mattered that much. and thru those, big healings have begun. so blessed...

i love my church.

Tonight we gain an extra hour. Watch me sit here and waste it away. I guess writing my thoughts isn't a total waste but I could be crashing after a long day. Tonight was our Harvest Fest. The big event that involves 1/2 the church it feels like. Coordinating all the people/help- is a feat in and of itself. Not to mention reserving, purchasing, the donations, the inevitable shopping and the candy, man the candy...but after all is said and done- a grandiose blessing.

I watched families work together. Get dressed up together, laugh together- pray together. I know it's a Halloween alternative event- not Sunday worship or anything but it's got me thinking about God so much. He not only provided a gorgeous day filled with sun when the weathermen all week said rain, He rallied up a group of people- a mash up of CP members to serve and befriend each other.

I love why He makes these things happen. It may have been great for our community- but I can see how great it was for our church family. I feel like I bonded a bit with everyone because we all had a common goal-hot dogs, drinks, cotton candy, yeah- but more so the people from the community fueled our energy levels and made us want to make it a great event.

Passing each other in the kitchen, stealing a bowl of chili in the midst of the hectic, working out funnel cakes after we tripped two breakers- i am, for this moment, in love with my CP family. I love that my preacher stayed all day- from the moments at the beginning until we shut out the kitchen lights- he took out trash, set up chairs and handed out cokes. Stayed just as busy and worked just as hard as the rest. A good man.

I love that even though we changed the day late in the game, we had more help than ever. I love that after wrapping 3200 hot dogs my kitchen coordinator couldn't leave- saying "i have to see how this plays out!" then got in there and served popcorn for two and a half hours. I love that two people were there just to pray with people. I love that my son worked a game this year and my kids didn't mention one time to me how they missed out on trick or treating in our neighborhood- I love that I finally got to meet Pam that I have been hearing all about...

So tonight as I lay my head on my pillow I will sleep well with my little reminder-I love that we love our community and I love that we love each other. Whether or not we had a t-shirt for everybody or that we got that super great job that we wanted- we had a good attitude- and after a long time of planning and prep- this has made a difference to me.

My life, His Ministry.

Aren't those kids gorgeous? It's kinda crazy to think that just about everything I physically do is for these people. Not only am I their mother but I am also their minister. I mean that's my job I am paid for and am called to do without the paycheck. That's a crazy concept and if I think about it too long the pressure rises up in me. I sometimes look at my set up and praise God for the amazing opportunity that I get to be caretakers of their souls in a sense. Then sometimes I am scared to death thinking all I am is all I got and without His intervention I am pretty much gonna lead them into no good. Not intentionally but if i know anything, I know I am no good without Him.

I know God has me in ministry not because of my gifts or talents or even willingness, but because I need ministry. For me to be closer to Him, I need a daily responsibility that keeps me working and diligent. It is a let down in a way. I wish He knew I could work secularly and still be a charming Christian. But the job makes the man here. I am a better person because I am called to be. Not better than anyone else- better than I would be. Make no mistake.

Even that these words are somehow coming out like I needed and wanted them to are words that God is giving me to better help me express myself and help me be more clear minded. I am telling you, without Him, I am a mess. He supplies everything. The ideas, the craftiness the desire even. He puts that in me everyday- I go to Him for a "quick fix" in making phone calls mostly, that is truly my hardest feat as a minister, how ridiculous. I love words and expression is so important to me but when I am on a phone without a face- I am lost and fumble and my heart isn't displayed well because my mind gets all in the way. I am the one that leaves the ridiculous phone messages and I am the one that somehow suddenly can't make small talk to save her life.

God makes up for our shortcomings. Thankfully- the job doesn't necessarily require a lot of phone calls. And thankfully it does require someone who knows they really aren't much without the Father. I still can't take the pressure of those three in that picture. The relationship is easy, to love them is a breeze but to teach them what all they need to know?! I find myself leaning in on the Father again feeling as helpless as ever. One day at a time. One phone call at a time. One decision at a time. Thankfully one child entering jr. high- at a time. One prayer for wisdom at a time.

Happy Fall to Me

I have officially been denying the fall. The fresh air, the gentle breeze, the sun, when it actually came out and warmed it all to the perfect temperature something so natural happened it seemed unnatural. I fell in love. Not just "ah, this feels nice" but I went to the same extreme of denying God's change of season with ungrateful disinterest and scoffs at people loving the "football weather" to feeling all "alive" and running in circles with arms wide open like a scene from "The Sound of Music". It's time to embrace the fall for what it is. I know the next line is different for everyone. But for me it's change. The colors, the temp., the smells. See... I like summer. I like warm, i like green. These ARE a few of my favorite things. But fall brings cold and brown. Cold and brown and colder and then barren. Yuck for me. Then why today do i feel delicious?

Being inside with my toothless child lent me to some quality time with him until his interest in the TV overcame his interest in me. So i naturally get on FB, twitter, blogs, anything that reminded my mind i am in a bigger world than this one in which my couch and tv set...

One, I was reminded that I desperately want to go to Africa. Two, I was reminded that I really can't keep up nor want to keep up with the runnings of this world. I have never been a newsy kinda girl and when i wrap my brain around the loudness of community and entertainment and media, i shrink a little. And instead of feeling alive- i feel little. Being inside obviously isn't the answer.

So today, I will suit up up my soccer playing spawn and breathe deep. Lift fall right into my air passages and hold tight. I will overcome the temptation too dread winter. I will overcome the temptation to be all grumpy with every one's delightful meaner . I will take in the day with joy and gladness and hope. That one day winter will not scare me and brown will be my color. And that coats and socks and scarves and chills will be overshadowed with coziness and blankets and a good book and maybe some hot chocolate.

Fall-*sigh* Here I come.

Where did the time go?

Wednesday of this week my baby turns seven. Did you get that?? My baby will be SEVEN. For three years now I have known she wants to be known for anything but being a baby and has never been the type to pull the baby card. But it probably would have worked. I am just now letting go of the fact she doesn't need me to rock her to sleep. Yeah, I drug that out waaay long. That was like the last thing I finally let go and wouldn't have done it differently if someone paid me.

She is Miss Independent and loves to be in the middle of anything that involves dirt or maybe a 64 pack of fresh crayons. Her choice of pastime: Mia, riding her Huffy, watching the boys make their "Headless Productions" (watch out world, this is serious entertainment) and swimming like there's no tomorrow. One of her quirks is her famous hand puppet (see picture below). It has made every photo album for a couple of years now. It's always popping up in my camera.

Her birthday she wants to paint. I am secretly ecstatic and can't wait for the mini "Sips and Strokes" I am recreating. She can't wait to open her presents, she's asked for a green scooter. A green scooter she will have. All wrapped and ready.

Sometimes I look at her and think, I have a little girl and she is perfect. Her hazel eyes, freckles and scraggly red curls are the idea of gorgeous to me. She cleans up well but usually she is Sadie only when she's dirty from some hole she has dug and hair in her eyes that have fallen from her pigtails (her hairstyle of choice). Always choosing a t-shirt and shorts to wear everyday no matter how hard I try to convince her that girls wear leggings or skirts too and it doesn't mean they are "girlie girls". She owns the tom-boy role with great pride.

So again, another milestone. The boys are tweens, officially down to the very last crumb which is never left on either of their plate. Eating everything in sight, fast. Hair products are being asked for and girls are NOT gross to them. Their changes are fun for sure and happening almost at the same time as it seems like it always has been. I get double teamed by those two and there is never a dull moment. Yeah, that is a pig Riley is holding...

All this being said, I am a blessed mom. Three kids that really are joy to me. They keep me sane. They teach me lessens. They call me to a higher ground.

blank canvas

Today i woke up and said, it's a blog-worthy day. Actually, i didn't say that at all that when i woke up. I came here thinking i would look up Amy's new diet. No really, I stumbled here looking for blank canvas sold wholesale. Google can lead you crazy places. Did you know there is a blog, "Blank Canvas"? But the truth is i did think already this morning, "I would like to read about Amy's diet on her blog" so that's where I am heading next. For sure. Did you know I was already logged on? Used that as a sign I must blog...Must be connected to my gmail account. Its def. been a while.

Wow. I really forgot how to blog.

I am so happy to be here. I think blogging is a dying art. I am suddenly upset of it's being assumed second fiddle to facebook. Whateva. Even though I hate the word "blog" and think the concept is a bit self fullfilling, those of us who need an outlet to be their very own creative writer- it's exactly perfect. Fresh, blank piece of paper, newly sharpened pencil and the smell of crayons. Yummy. I really like to pretend a teacher just announced a topic and I get to go any direction i want to with it. My next adventure. Now what's my topic?

Yesterday I treated myself to 10 new downloads. Then 3 freebies. Have you heard of Nelo?Walkin' Around, Jumping Bean, Footsteps- local band- who knew?? And Parachute? "She is Love" is so about God, replace She with HE. What about Sarah Reeves- "Come Save" so clean and godly. Special thanks to Rachel McGuire for those picks. Good call g'friend. Needtobreathe..."Lay 'Em Down"- feel good fall music right there. And then you know Aug. 25 marked Colbie Caillat and Ingrid Michaelson's new CD release. Got me a couple of good ones from there too- Ingrid's "Maybe"-you can sing it before it's over. My favorite kind. And Colbie's "You Got Me", so Colbie- so bubbly, but it so has me. It's like the smell of the new pack of diapers except in listening form. So giddy.

Can't wait to drive somewhere or cook something so i have an excuse to just listen. Mmm. Jason Mraz, "If It Kills Me", that guy can sing. I think he and I sing well together. If he only knew. Got an intro to Glee's next episode free. Riley and I have watched a few times. Plus the song she sings when she's trying out for the Glee club, free download people...

So there's an update of my personal vice. I could spend too much money if allowed on music. Not the direction i had expected since it's been a year since i blogged but i am a bit rusty.

Back to finding canvas's wholesale. Got a couple of projects cooking up. And Amy's blog.

My Favorite Things: Christmas 2008

10. Jon and Kate Plus 8- Any episode- I feel motherhood just came back. I know she's rough on him but cut her a break and he holds his own so let up- it's working for them.

9. The song from TLC commercial (featuring Jon and Kate and other Family reality shows) "Beautiful Life", Fisher. It makes me happy.

8. Planning Christmas presents. It truly gets me giddy.

7. My mitten/gloves. They are two in one and long awaited for. Thank you Wal-Mart for making them and making them cost effective.

6. Anything featuring gift giving without the cost. This year America is being challenged to think creatively and the ideas are awesome. Creativity is in baby!

5. Band-Aid, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" It fuels me when I do the Toy-Give-Away, it's as close as we can get here in Alabama. And I am pretty sure God is smiling on it.

4. Genius Sidebar, iTunes. If you love music you will so love this. I am fascinated, it's pure genius.

3. Christmas movies! I can't wait to see the following:

Yes Man
Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons
Marley and Me
Bedtime Stories
Tale of Despereaux

Mark and I saw "Four Christmas's" already and let me say, "I laughed, I cried..." it's worth it.

2. My kids' ages. They are at some really fun places this year. It's pretty awesome when you truly look forward to spending one on one time with your kids because you like who they are and think they are neat. I would choose them if they weren't given to me. I am sure of it.

1. Home. I didn't know what I was going to put here until i got here. I can say my physical home and I have had some turbulence this year with the leaks and unmentionables :) but in the end i love this old house and the warmth that it has. But the home i feel when i get around my family has to top it all off. It would just be cold and old without them. I love them in a fierce way and everyday I hope to be learning more on how to be a better person at "family". God is gracious with me and has set me around so many families with awesome examples of love busting at the seams. It's a true blessing to have that "i'm home" feeling.

Who are you -really?

This cute little 30 min. deal with Christina Applegate has been on my mind today- Samantha Who? In the show Samantha has lost all of her memory and from all the snippets pulled from her memory we soon see she is much the better to have lost her old self. She's so kind and fun now where before she was awful.

This had me thinking- what would our true self be without outside circumstances interfering? I know that's impossible but lets just say those circumstances had been different. How different would we be? The only way I can respond to that is to think about who am i? I think the person I am right now is not fully who I am at heart. So not meaning to be a downer but we have to make adjustments because of other choices. And eventually you change. But at heart, are you able to be what your mind and heart leads you towards? and if so- how?

Being a Follower, I am able to adjust because there is something bigger and better I am called to do than how I might prefer to be or maybe even am supposed to be (?). I still have selfish moments where I want to express myself in a totally different way than the conformity's of my community and even lifestyle. I want to bust out and write a book or be in a play or travel to Africa and live a few months. I want to teach my kids to plant a garden and live off the land. Then i want to live in New York for a while...
Am I crazy?

So what is your heart wanting to bust out and do?

Roll Tide!

I am so proud to be an Alabamian these days I had to express myself. Seriously, I really am proud of our football team (although I am a claimed Georgia Dogs fan- GO DOGS!) but I did this canvas for the food pantry auction at Cross Point. I am so thankful and excited to announce the Outreach Group in charge of this function raised over $12,000 to feed the hungry in the Shoals. Way to go my awesome friends who were in that group! God is good! (this canvas didn't play a huge part, only a very slight fraction in fact of that total- but I had to show it off and keep record of this for myself when I am having a "you can't do that" moment...)

frank mauled

the haze isn't the picture, it's the lovely firehouse smoke that occasionally would smog over all of us. but here's a shot of one of the highlights of my night. i have to say i laughed out loud at how nervous they were. soo chatty. ken did an excellent job of of smacking Frank. poor guy. jenny got this shot of right after the hit. i can't wait to post some more pics of the night! i am getting all the pictures together but i had to go on with this.

Here goes! I hope i don't over think this because i am a bit overwhelmed thinking i have to produce 20 years before your eyes right now...

20 years ago, Oct. 15th, 1988-

I am a freshman which means I am playing basketball and am about to crank up my first season. I am singing loudly in gym with Holly Sewell, "Mr Big Stuff" if i am hearing it right...I have pictures of Michael J Fox all over my butterfly bedroom (harvest gold and burnt orange with green shag carpet) I had begun my mix tape collection and recorded most of my music straight from the radio so i caught a lot of DJ talk. It was something I worked daily. I kept a daily journal and would write in it every night before bed. I would give myself advice for when I had kids someday. I should go look that thing up.

10 years ago, Oct. 15, 1998-

I have an 18th month old Gates who is so totally awesome and I am very pregnant with Spencer Grant (aka- Joseph Riley). I am actually sitting on the couch watching life pass me by. Little Spencer/ Riley tried to come early and I had to sit out the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. I am feeling a bit powerless but my friends are awesome and would even come and worship with me. Gates is very independent but doesn't say much yet. He is fast and furious and I can't wait to be able to take care of my house again.

5 years ago, Oct. 15, 2003

Sadie and Riley are now additions to the Killen Kids and life is going along day by day. Sadie is about 13 months old and i think she's beautiful and amazing. The boys are probably feverishly planning their Halloween costumes. I am working at Darby Drive part time officially as the Children's Minister. We are about to have our first Harvest Festival.

1 year ago, Oct. 15, 2007

I have a 5th and 3rd grader and my baby is finishing up her last year in pre-school. I am working still and finally after 6 years as a CM the rhythm of it comes easier. I am getting used to the idea that my kids are getting big. I officially do not have a baby. We moved to the big city and are loving our house. The kids all have their own room. The additions are all complete and we are settled in well. I am attending a lot of functions at the McGee farm lately.

Yesterday, Oct. 14, 2008

I packed three lunches and no one complained about the contents (amazing) and took all the kids to school. I dropped them off and went in in order to get a receipt for a donation from Heavenly Ham for Pumpkin Day. Then i went to said HH and got the $15 gift card, met up with a grandmother in whom i did not know and sent her on her way with the card then went straight to CPCC for a staff meeting which led me straight on to the rest of my day.

Today, Oct. 15, 2008

No lunch making because its chicken strip day Wednesday. Woo Hoo! Met up with Erin H and Krista for a lovely day of painting yellow. Had lunch with Cort and then back to painting, alone this time. I pick up the crazies at 2:50 and then we are back home for a moments peace before church tonight. Sat thru the latest Beth Moore video and was bonded with my lovely Christian lady friends with a very huge shoulder to shoulder prayer. Little awkward but big on purpose and felt hugely encouraged. And now I am here, decompressing a bit.

Tomorrow, Oct. 16, 2008

I plan on packing 3 lunches, cheese and bread i guess because i need to get groceries. I will be taking the kids to school again because i have to drop off my pumpkin day basket items. I then will be prancing off to said grocery store then back to paint with Amanda this time. We may have to just get rooms ready to paint and maybe have time to walk 5 miles. too much info? Then kids, karate and make supper and bedtime. I am tired just thinking about it.

McGee Farm on Benadryl

I had to share this. Sadie has been suffering from some allergies so it only made sense to give her a Benadryl tablet before going to the McGee Farm and being around dust and hay all day. I guess I didn't think it completely through. She obviously still didn't get the most out of the trip to the patch.

(Above she is showing me her collection of cotton. Anything to dodge my camera.)

Playing in corn... everything she formed in the loose corn involved a bed or pillow of some type.

the closest i got to an actual smile

i have a numerous amount of things on my mind. the sad part is none of it is worthy of keeping track of someday in order to blog about. it's this time of my life that i will look back on and either not remember or not like myself because i was so all consumed that i don't recognize who i am.

i am trying hard in my conversations to God to limit the complaining. there are so many things going right. but mostly those things are things i don't even know i am so blessed with (ex. kids being healthy, home, bed, friends) because i have never truly had to do without.

so here i sit. bogged down, overloaded with work at church, school and home and satan strikes like he always does. this time in the form of eliminating the ease of flow of these easy blessings (i am going to term them)

for example, sadie started complaining with a headache and is stuffy, sinus infection i am sure. sick. one strike
rileys bed broke, clean in two parts. we need a new bed. strike two
the house has had, well i will just say, some trials. she's old and tired and needs some adjusting, which costs us. strike three.

petty petty petty. i should stop and delete but i am hoping to find a point. i think satan sees us a beutiful red target when we overload ourselves. and strikes while we are down. i have asked God with my white flag waving to send in His warriors on my behalf. but when said with a bad attitude, not sure that will be exactly how He will choose to work it.

but this time Satan decided to nag me. which led me to a temptation i haven't felt in a while, I am ungrateful. maybe i am always ungrateful, surely i am in some ways but mostly I am trying to find the good things and make some peace about that. but not lately. i am thinking "what good things?!" i can't let Satan have a foothold, i know better. and i know if i focused on the verse about being still and resting, my life wouldn't have such control over me.

i haven't anyway to close these thoughts, i am still in the middle of them. i want to say pray! for me, and i hope you will but some part of me says get up, you know what to do.

Color Me Inspired

Sorry if you have heard this story. I really want to keep this blog sort of like a journal or scrapbook so I am trying to make it cuter and keep up with the things i don't want to forget even if it's just for me.

This summer after a scary and loud thunderstorm in the mountains God left this little reminder. The cool part, he let it fall on another reminder. Sadie and Annie, my niece saw it and ran downstairs screaming "rainbow!". We all grabbed our cameras. These pictures just don't do it justice. It was a true God moment!

i have discovered i am not a great "self-starter" so they say. i like things to be exciting and begun. i was thinking how most of the time my job as a children's minister is sort of just that. exciting and begun. but not always. there are these transitions and beginnings that i have to ignite myself and sometimes the match won't strike and i sit here at a screen and all i can think about it how i really want to be an anthropologist. mark and i are in season 2 of Bones and if you know me, i fall in love a little bit with characters. this one surprisingly is not the lead, hot guy "Booth" but the nerdy guy who loves dirt, "Hodges", i am not struck like i was/am with House and Keifer. But i am looking forward to when his turn to be onscreen comes around. i really want to research crime scenes and of course it all rolls back around to me wanting to be a detective...

can you miss your calling this badly? and there really is no way to combine my true calling to this fantasy. that just wouldn't be good now would it?

i also would like to dance like those kids on "so you think you can dance" but i am letting that one go. if i am calling the contestants "those kids" i am probably too old for that dream...

one of my favorite moments this summer was when the little girls in my cabin at camp did our skit. i loved seeing that come together- i felt that swelling up of pride. i am not sure if anyone in the audience including adults understood the skit, but those girls did. for those of you who care we did Michael Buble's "Everything" with the words being about a little girl and her first love, Jesus. They dance. It was a true moment for me. I will post some pictures and the lyrics.

------------------- Michael Buble's Everything-------now be thinking about Jesus!

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

(now Jesus speaks)
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah


If you have made it to here, you deserve to know i am such a sucker for drama and to add to that I don't have a little 5 year old red headed shadow with me everywhere and my mind is rolling all the time about what can i do next. i know i need to strike that match and get my next trimester in place. i wish i could do it like they do in the movies and sing and twirl around to catch the suspected prospects for the winter term. Or maybe i could find clues that led me to the right people...pray God will make this part exciting for me :)

Leave it to Gates to take the ordinary game of Jenga and turn it into the hill where all eternity was forever changed. Am I silly to say this is a proud moment for mom?

well yesterday was the big day and we all made it ok...

i am doing my best to keep myself busy and it's not all that hard. i do have a job :) today sadie got in the car after day two of kindergarten (with mrs. mills by the way) where she immediately goes thru her folder and lays all her papers all over the car. she, riley and gates are all back in action and i am beginning to see the future of my winter months. calm them chaos, calm them chaos, and on it goes until the weekend that works out to be all chaos. i hope i can get used to the calm.

this year i am feeling so completely blessed and content with where the kids are and who they are around. it doesn't hurt that two of my children are with my Cross Point sisters (and even my for real sister in law, Lisa). God is so good. Gates came home with one less tooth thanks to yet another Cross Point sister. i am feeling the joys of a small town. i know the smallness has it's bad side but today i am riding the waves.